


Angel

by Pride_99



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Intersex Loki, Jötunn Loki, Love, M/M, Memory Loss, Multi, Sex, Sweet, Wedding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2018-10-29
Packaged: 2019-07-13 01:57:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 33,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16007885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pride_99/pseuds/Pride_99
Summary: Thor was caught and tortured by SHIELD after breaking in and trying to take the hammer. When Loki found him, he had lost all his memory.And he fell in love with Loki.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note: In the beginning of this, Loki didn't know his true identity, nor did he doubt it. Odin had done a great job of making them believe they were true brothers.
> 
> Please enjoy

It was three months or longer after Thor's banishment that Loki sensed something was wrong.

The last time he saw Thor, his stupid brother was being happy.

He had snuck to the planet of mortals just to see what new friends his brother had made. Never stayed long, never even visible.

He found it interesting to watch, though. There was Jane the scientist, along with Erik and Darcy, and some other mortals whose names Loki didn't bother to remember. Thor made friends with them, and Loki found it interesting.

Until the kiss happened.

He watched Thor sitting under the star with Jane, telling stories about the nine realms while she let out short exclamations of surprise, and he took his coat off to put it over her, gently cupped her face to capture her lips. Loki made a face. Not bad, Thor. She's a beauty.

But then he decided to stop his little visits. He didn't need to see this again. What he needed, was to stay on Asgard and prepare to be a king.

So far he had earned much of Odin's trust, at least he thought so.

Thor was gone, and everything became easy.

Except it didn't. Loki rubbed his forehead in agony. For three days, he had been having that dream, in which Thor lay alone in a small room, mouth closed, his whole body bruised and pale, ans his eyes, blank, not a slight sign of life.

Loki woke up panting in horror.

“No.” He tried to calm down. Simply a dream. That idiot got banished basically because of me. Maybe I'm actually capable of feeling guilty.

Nothing like that could possibly happen to Thor. Just not possible. So he never paid another visit to Midgard. What if he saw Thor kissing that girl again? He didn't need to see that again.

“Damn.” Loki hissed. His feet and legs automatically went the way to the gatekeeper, who greeted him with cold eyes.

“Heimdall, have you been watching Thor?”

“No. I have no reason to do that.”

“Then tell me where he is now.”

Heimdall gave him a glance, nearly a scowl. “Why do I have to follow your order?”

“Just take a damn look.”

“He's sleeping.” The watcher sighed. “I don't know you can care.”

“I don't.” Loki answered coldly, “I'm just curious. He's alone? With no one around?”

“Loki,” Heimdall said, looking him in the eye. Seeing those sharp incisive eyes made Loki shiver slightly.

“Yes?”

“I know you have your own secret paths. I will be more than grateful if you never come to me again.”

Loki laughed thoroughly. “Okay, my friend. I know you blame me a lot. I'll try to bring less trouble.” His tone nearly sincere.

 

Stupid. Just stupid. Loki cursed silently when his feet touched the ground of Midgard again. God of mischief, haunted by a repeating nightmare and came here aimlessly. He was familiar with this area though. The exact place where he witnessed Thor kissing Jane. The exact sky under the same stars.

He didn't linger. He remembered where Jane lived, and he needed to see her. As he expected, Jane was anxious to find Thor too. Something went wrong.

Loki smiled politely at the lady who opened the door. Jane stood there, frowning, and Erik too. They looked like they hadn't slept in days.

“Who are you? We don't need wizard.” Said Jane.

“I'm not one.” Loki glanced at his dress, couldn't blame her. “I'm Loki. Thor's brother. I came here to…”

“Loki?” Erik stared at him, “Oh dear. He did talked about you.”

“A lot.” Jane added. “Come in.”

When he was inside, he saw paper and photos scattered on the floor. Jane sighed. “Do you know where Thor is? Can you find him? I'm so worried I can't - do you know?”

“Sadly, I don't.” Loki said. “I want to find him too. I kept having bad dreams. But for all I know, he was with you.” He looked at Jane.

“Yes. Until he started talking about the hammer that fell from nowhere was his and he could lift it.” Jane said, “I - I know who you people are, Thor had explained. But it's just hard to believe. And turned out he couldn't lift the hammer - SHIELD caught him. He was imprisoned and, I just don't know how to find him!” She cried. “No one could get close to SHIELD. But I just want to know if he's alright.” Then she couldn't suppress her tears anymore. “I still got so many questions for him.”

“Stop crying.” Said Loki. “I can. I can get close to him. Just tell me where.”

“Can you?” Erik said, “Don't get yourself in danger. Thor was pretty sure too.”

“Well, I'm not him.” Loki gave them a quick glance. “Tell me where to go, and I'll go, then I shall come back with answers.”

“But…” Jane blinked at his words, her eyes widened with what could be called distrust. “I need to go too, I can't leave him alone like this…”

Loki suppressed his anger with a sneer. “He's not alone. I will be there. And you mortals better wait here, for I have no intention of saving you all.”

 

He slipped into the small room where Thor was confined. It was not difficult for a trickster like him at all. But as the scene fell under his eyes, he covered his mouth with a hand. Thor sat propped against the wall like a lost child, didn't even raise his head to look at the visitor. Loki let out a shallow breath in shock. Those golden hair was dishevelled, straggling over his brother's pale face.

“Thor.” He called.

No answer.

He had lost so much muscle that he was thin in Loki's eyes. Pale and thin.

“Brother.” Loki stepped closer, slowly and carefully, but Thor shivered hard in agony, like he was burning. There was no sound though, Thor just stirred and trembled.

Loki gasped. “Brother… No no no.” He caught Thor's arm when he tried to ran again, but that just made Thor frightened more.

“Thor…”

He let go of his grip.

“What happened?”

Thor looked at him in pure fright, his eyes, which Loki saw clearly now, were dim, trying so hard to focus on Loki's face. “Nnn… pl…” That was all he managed.

Loki's heart sank. “It's me, Loki, brother - I'm not those who had hurt you…” He gently covered Thor's trembling hand with his own, slowly rubbing against his thumb. So cold. Thor was so cold.

“Please…” Thor whined, “Not again, please.”

“What? What are you talking about? Do you know who I am? Thor?”

There was footsteps outside. Thor shivered hard, looking at their locked hands then hastily at the door, lost all his strength of struggling. “I don't… I know nothing. I know nothing…”

Someone out there was about to come in. The sound of keys collided together turned louder.

“Do you remember anything? Anything… Yourself?”

“No, no… please…”

It just made his heart ache in burning pain seeing his brother beg like this. No.

Loki wiped his moist eyes hard and pulled Thor in a short, warm embrace, gently whispering into his ear. “I will get us out of here. Close your eyes for me.”

The sound of footsteps drew nearer. Loki bit his lips, looking at Thor's gray eyes.

Fear ran through those eyes, and Thor's lips twitched. But he did as Loki said, closed his eyes quietly. Loki saw tears rolled down.

“I promise, Thor, I promise I will fix this.”

 

Thor had fallen into a stupor when they returned to Jane's house. He was perfectly quiet, free from nightmares. Loki laid him gently on the bed, and sat there watched his peaceful face.

“Give me a hot towel. And some clean clothes.” He said without looking up to Jane, who stood behind him.

“Okay.” Jane whispered. “Is he alright?”

Loki shook his head.

When Jane returned, Loki took the hot towel, carefully wiped the dust and the dried blood from Thor's face. Thor's lips were dry.

“Get him some water can you?”

“Here.” Jane gave him the glass of water. “Hey… What happened? Why…”

Loki remained quiet. His lips were pressed to a thin line, as he gently rubbed his thumb against Thor's forehead.

“What if someone found him missing and… found here?”

“If they come, they will see nothing. I promise.” Loki assured her. “Thor knew you and that guy. So I think it will be better for us to stay here a while, if you agree.”

“Of course.”

Silence filled the room. They waited for Thor to wake up, and finally Jane fell asleep in her chair. Loki eyed her tired face and messy hair.

He then lay down gently beside Thor, looked sideways at his sleeping face.

Thor's eyelids twitched, his eyes fell open.

“Shh.” Loki wrapped his arms around Thor's trembling body. “You're safe.”

Thor turned to him, seemed recognized his face, and slowly, he stopped struggling. He opened his dry mouth but nothing came out, so Loki continued holding him, rubbing his back gently. Thor snuggled up to let more of their skin contact.

“You're getting warmer. That's good…” Loki murmured. “So good.”

“Thor?” Jane woke up in their whisper, rubbing her eyes. “Oh! Hey, how are you feeling?”

Thor shuddered, jerked away from Loki's arms.

“Thor? What - ”

Fear crept into Thor's eyes again, as she leaned closer, trying to touch his face.

“Agh… No… Nn” Thor shut his eyes, trembling all over, his back against the bed, no room to escape.

“Jane, out.” Loki looked at his brother, his eyes cold and bitter. “Out now, you're scaring him.”

Thor listened to them, his eyes fixed on Loki's expressionless face all the time, until Jane nodded slightly and turned to leave the bedroom.

The door was closed gently behind her. Loki let out a sigh of relief. “It's alright.” He turned to Thor, who now stopped trembling and looked at him with cautious eyes. No fear, just gleam.

“Hey.” Loki tried again. “It's alright now.”

Thor lay back down, his body relaxed a little under Loki's gentle touch as Loki ran his fingers through his hair.

“Oh… What had they done to you.”

Thor leaned a bit closer, looking at that glass of water. Loki took it, held the rim of the cup gently to Thor's lips, then lifted his chin as the water slowly moistened his tongue.

When they finished it, Loki put the cup back on the table, and he felt his arm was gently griped. He turned his head, and met Thor's eyes. Thor's hand slipped down his arm to touch his fingers.

“Angel.” Suddenly Thor whispered. His fingers intertwined with Loki's. As that word slipped out of his mouth, he dared not raise his head to meet Loki's eyes.

“Thor?” Loki froze. “What… what did you say?”

“You.” Thor looked up slowly this time, “Angel.”

“Oh, no…” Loki smiled bitterly. That was his first smile that day. “You're very wrong, brother.”

Thor went quiet then. But Loki could feel his lingering gaze on his face. They lay there quietly, not long before Thor fell asleep again. But Loki knew he wouldn't be able to sleep. He turned to watch the darkness outside the window, listening to the wind and lightning accompanied by thunder. Usually weather like this would remind him of his brother, but not once had Thor been right there with him, with their body slowly got warmer together.

Not until now.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It annoyed Thor that people kept regarding him as someone else. Especially when it came to Loki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy <3

Everything went fine until the thunder roared. Loki felt the body beside him suddenly shook, and he heard Thor struggled with a sob in the pouring rain. Hurried to check, he found Thor shut his eyes in pain, his eyebrows twisting. Another clap of thunder, and Loki straightened up, resting his hand lightly on Thor's heaving chest, his eyes dropping low.

“Wake up Thor. Wake up.” He whispered.

“It's nothing but a nightmare…”

“Brother,” Loki breathed, “Wake up, please.”

Under his gentle touch, Thor's breathing slowly steadied, with his eyelids quivering a little, his hands gripping the bedsheets tightly. He let out a short cry of fright, seeing Loki above him, meeting those luminescent green eyes.

“There you are.” Loki smiled.

Thor's mouth was slightly opened, breathing short and hot. Loki's smile didn't fade, just covered Thor's hand with his own. “It's me. Loki.”

“Loki…” Thor croaked.

“Yes.” Loki wrapped his arms around Thor. “Yes.”

“My angel. Loki.” Thor whispered against the warm shoulder, that deep hoarse voice echoed in Loki's ear, making his body stiff. He pulled away a little, just to see the expression on Thor's angular face, then met his luminous eyes.

“Brother, I am no angel. Just… don't call me that, okay?” He sighed. “I don't think I can take it.”

Thor blinked, grabbed Loki's shirt tightly with trembling fingers, tears lingering in his eyes. He took one of Loki's hands gently and lifted it to his lips, breathing against the soft skin. “Why? Why turned me down…”

“I didn't, hey, I didn't.” Loki looked at him for a long while, and then leaned over, brought their chests together. “It's just, I can't let myself listen to you call me that while knowing exactly what awful things I had done and watch you like this… I mean, I hurt you, Thor, It's only fair that I…”

Thor frowned slightly, listening to him. When Loki chocked up, he smiled gently back. “The man you think you've hurt is not me.” He rubbed their foreheads together, and when Loki didn't protest, he relaxed, looking into those green eyes. “The only thing I know, the only thing I remember, is that you saved my life, pulled me out of that horrible, lonely cell… out of everything that had tormented me.”

“Thor…” Loki let out a bitter smile. “Alright.” He let them fall back into the soft mattress. “Call me whatever you like then.”

The thunder began to die down, leaving the windows to the patter of rain. Loki turned to Thor, who had been staring at the ceiling all the time. 

As if he was enjoying the soft sound of rain.

“How did they… torment you? It's important that I know, Thor. How did they take my brother's memory away?”

“They um…” Thor tilted his head. There was a pause, and Loki saw clear pain on his face. “I… I really… Ugh.” Recalling seemed to drown Thor into deeper mental anguish, his mouth twitched with pain.

“Thor, Thor,” Loki hastily stopped him with a hand, “Drop this, I'm… I'm sorry. You don't have to go through this.”

“No. I want to do this for you.” Thor bit his lips to keep him from grunting in pain. “It's important to you.”

Loki's stomach flipped.

“They injected me with liquid. I… think that's how they had been doing till I lost all my memory…” Thor kept his eyes closed, breathing heavily. “I… only, ugh… Sorry I can't recall anything anymore.”

Loki pulled him into a tight embrace, holding Thor's snug back quietly to calm down his own thumping heart.

“I will find them.” He said through gritted teeth, growling. Thor didn't move or give any replies.

“I will find them. I will make them pay ten times the price. I will, brother.”

But Thor only snuggled up in his arms, as if wanting a more comfortable position. Loki's hands were shaking and cold, lost in anger and misery. And he wasn't quite sure if it was real that Thor leaned over to breathe against his ear.

“You're here, and I care about nothing else.”

Barely a whisper.

 

 

“Morning.” Said Loki, sleepy. Thor was all over him like a big cat, reminding him of their childhood. He laughed quietly, rubbed his eyes.

“Morning, Loki.” Thor whispered, voiced husky below Loki's chin.

They sat up lazily. The sky outside had been bathed in warm sunshine, last night's storm had disappeared silently. Thor's eyes glowed, and Loki thought he had just seen the familiar ocean blue flaring in the morning sun.

But that was all. A second. And the man in front of him was just not his brother.

“What's wrong? Did I um… Is there something on my face?”

“No,” Loki smiled briefly, looking away. “I was just thinking, it will help a lot to restore your memory that you take a walk with Jane and Erik, here. Talking to them. Because I just got here, and you had known them much longer.”

Thor frowned at his words. “Jane? Erik?”

“The friends we met last night. As you could see, Lady Jane worried about you very much.”

“But I don't know them.”

“I understand. But they can help to stimulate more memories of your time here.” Loki insisted, “Just like how we got to know each other, right? You need to at least give them a chance to help. They're your friends. And Jane, your girl.”

The confusion on Thor's face faded, replaced by a hint of discontent. “They're his friends. She's his girl. Not mine.”

Loki raised his eyebrows doubtfully. “He?”

“I'm not the man who I don't even remember to be. But everyone just thinks I am.”

Loki sighed. “Thor…”

“I'll do it.” Thor simply said. “I'll go to them.”

Hearing this lightened Loki's heart a little. He patted Thor on his back, gave him an encouraging smile.

He only got a slight nod in return.

 

 

Loki went to investigate. Thor thought as he walked slowly towards Jane's little garden. The girl was waiting, and honestly her back was beautiful enough to make a lot of men stare. What was the story when they fell in love?

No. Thor didn't think he was interested.

“Hey.”

“Hey, honey.” Jane greeted him gently, her smile bright and tender, like the touch of sunshine. But somehow his mind slipped back and saw Loki's faint little smile instead.

“I wish I could take away your pain.” Jane whispered. “My Thor, trapped deep in there… I wish I could reach you.”

“No,” Thor looked at her sad eyes, annoyed. “If you'll listen, I am the one standing in front of you, not the one trapped deep down in nowhere.”

Jane looked up in disbelief. Thor's hands in his pocket, so she tentatively reached out to touch his chest, and his body stiffened.

“You're… you, Thor. Just you, not anyone else.”

“No.” Thor pulled away from her hand, his tone firm. “I'm me, indeed, who doesn't actually know you, lady Jane.”

The light in her eyes disappeared. They stood next to each other in silence for a few more seconds before she took a deep breath and offered to take a walk with him.

 

 

Night had once again fell over the little room when Loki finally came back. Thor was lying on the sofa, and Loki just showed up in front of him without a sound.

He didn't bother to greet and talk to them, came right to me instead. Thor sat up, thinking quietly.

Loki's eyes were fixed on his, as he sat down next to him on the sofa. Thor stole a glimpse of him tucking a few black locks behind his ear. He smelled like rain and fresh air.

“How was it going?” Loki ran his fingers on Thor's face, lazily touched. “You look tired. Is everything alright?”

“You look tired too.”

“I do.” Loki smiled, didn't try to hide his tiredness. “I still need more clues.”

“Does that mean you're going to leave me tomorrow too?”

Sighed deeply, Loki lowered his head to contact their foreheads, and his legs, fell on Thor's lap quietly in their movements.

It was like a jolt of electricity raced through his body. Thor held his breath, didn't dare to move.

But then, Loki's expression softened with emotion which Thor could not distinguish. He was suddenly hugged tightly, and Loki's sigh sounding loudly in his ear.

“W-what happened, Loki?”

“Nothing - I just…” Loki bit back a cry. He had seen the hazy look in Thor's eyes, and it hurt more than he expected.

“I just missed you.” He whispered.

It made Thor shivered with unfamiliar excitement. He felt Loki's heartbeat against his chest, the beautiful curve of his neck and the light sweet smell. But just then, he heard Loki murmured deeply, and the remark awoke him like a flash of lightning.

“Brother.” Whispered Loki. Right after saying he missed him.

Thor pulled away with a rush, grabbing Loki's hand firmly. Their eyes met, blue ones blear with moist.

“No. You missed him.”

“What?” Loki cried out in the sudden pain on his wrist, “What are you talking about?”

It dawned on him that every tender touch of Loki, every gentle comfort of his angel was not to him. Like everyone else, Loki mistook him for another man, a man whom he knew absolutely nothing about and never wanted to know.

“Thor, it's not…” Loki said anxiously, “It's not like that. I was talking about you, right here in front of me, not him.” He smoothed Thor's back with slow strokes, “Not him.”

“Is that true?” Said Thor, didn't sound fully convinced.

“It is, brother.”

“Not your brother.” Thor growled suddenly, gripped Loki's wrist to pull him closer until their nose touched. Then before realizing what was actually happening, he pressed their lips together.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor said something that shocked Loki.

Loki was stunned, but it was only a moment before he pushed hard away the body against his chest, gasping, staring at Thor in disbelief. Thor saw him wiping his mouth with his sleeve.

“What do you think you're doing?” Loki growled.

Thor tilted his head, but kept their eyes locked. “I want to kiss you.” He heard himself murmured. “Please don't be mad. I don't want to be your brother… I don't feel like I'm your brother.”

Loki was still breathing hard, and Thor's words just made him gasp even harder. “The truth is you are my brother. Thor, we can't - This is crazy.”

“But you treat me so tenderly, Loki…” Thor whispered, pretending he didn't see the panic flashing in Loki's eyes. “I love you, angel.”

“No no…NO.” Loki let out a short breath, his forehead sweating. “You're joking.”

“I am more than serious. I mean it, every word.”

“But you couldn't possibly love…” Loki laughed wryly at him, his voice cracked. “So as you said, we had only known for less than two days. What the hell was that? Is love so easy for you?!”

“I - No…” Thor approached in anxiety, put his hand on Loki's arm, afraid of losing his warmth. “I mean it, Lo. I can feel it here.” He took Loki's hand, gently guided it to his chest. Under the thin clothes and his skin his heart was beating strongly, like a rhythmic drum, quickening under Loki's touch. “Full of you. All, you…”

Loki yanked away, his face flushed. “How… How could you Thor, BROTHER. No, you only did it because I saved you there. That's not love. You have saved me a couple of times too you just don't remember. We are brothers, for Norns's sake, you would never - do anything like this if you remember… Just, just stop.”

Thor didn't reply right away. He traced Loki's brow with a thumb, gently, and Loki's lashes fluttered. How could he not have loved him like this before. So beautiful, so precious, making Thor want to care for him forever. He must have been a jerk then. That Odinson. Odd name, too. He would never, never be like that again.

“Do you believe that I'm not the same person anymore.” Thor whispered.

“Yes, I do, brother. I understand all your confusion, hurt and anger. But that doesn't mean you're not my brother anymore.” Said Loki firmly.

“That's not fair to me. All I can think of is how good, how right it will be to love you, to hold you in my arms and kiss you.” Thor bit his lips, leaning closer, desperately trying to get some body contact. When he felt the touch of soft skin he wrapped his fingers around Loki's, watching their locked hands and swallowed. “I couldn't be your brother or friend. It's too hard for me. How am I supposed to live in this pain.” He muttered. Give me a chance, please.

“But it's not fair to me either! I've known you as my big brother for all so many years and now? You just expect me to… to…” Loki stammered, his eyes widened, panting. “You've got a girlfriend and we're in her house, in her room, Norns. Shh, don't give me that look, I know. All I'm saying is when you get your memory back you're going to kill me for this, probably yourself too.” Loki's hurried voice trailed off to a sigh. “Even if I wanted this, it would never end well. It would shatter the moment you got your sense back.”

“I don't care.”

“Well, you do care, you just don't know it!”

Thor looked at his flushed face, red with rapid breathing. He cupped Loki's cheeks to bring his chin up, using all his tender in that light touch, and closed the short distance with his lips. Loki struggled, slamming his chest hard to break the kiss. Thor cried out in sudden pain as he felt the bite on his tongue, and when he finally pulled back, Loki's eyes were burning with anger.

Maybe Loki was too angry to manage a word. He just glared at Thor's red lips, his whole body trembled.

The salty taste of blood spread in Thor's mouth. “Loki,”

“No, shut up, just shut up Thor.” Loki cut him off roughly, buried his face in his hands. Taking a long, deep breath, he looked up again. The anger had gone from his blushed face.

“I hate you.” He murmured in an inaudible voice before clearing his throat. “You've misunderstood our relationship so much. We are brothers who strongly despise each other.” He laughed quietly. “If you are interested I'll be happy to tell you every single fight that had happened between us. How we dislike each other, how we don't even share the same friends. Thor, you will do just anything but kiss me. And…me, the same.”

Thor listened to him. Tilted his head, a small smile showed itself on his lips. “Liar. You don't despise me at all.” He whispered. “You just said we had saved each other.”

“Thor, I'm so tired.” Loki lay down, faced the wall. Thor stared at his back.

“Can I hold you?” He gently asked.

When Loki didn't make a sound, he carefully lay down beside him, pressed his chest to Loki's back, and wrapped his arms around his waist. Loki shivered, didn't move. But when he felt the wet touch of Thor's lips on his neck, he flipped and sat up abruptly, grabbing Thor's collar, eyes cold and bitter.

“Don't touch me again. I'm done with this.”

“But… you don't have to worry about anything, even if I restore my memory I will never blame you - I want…”

“But I don't. I don't want this.” Loki cut him off coldly.

“But you… just said…” Thor's eyes widened. “I thought you were just worried…”

“Yes, that, too. But I didn't say those things because of wanting you. I don't, Thor. I didn't lost my memory or sense, and I will never want you this way.”

Tears crept up in Thor's blue eyes. But Loki was already lying down again, his back to Thor, leaving only a vague outline.

“I have said all comforting words that I could say. I have tried. And I will try harder to help you remember.” Loki sighed in the darkness, without saying goodnight.

 

 

His body was as soft as floating in water. Loki found himself cradled in a warm embrace, with fragrant blonde hair on his face rubbing his nose and itching him. Who was that? Never had felt something like this. Loki leaned to the warmth unconsciously, relaxing his body completely.

Deep down in his heart, he knew himself wanted to be embraced just like this. Never understood why his body was colder than others, but it was no big deal. It was nice to always feel safe and relaxed when he was close to another warm body.

Wait. He had no lover to embrace him like this. Nor would he allow strangers to touch him. Then who was…

Loki opened his eyes fiercely, finding it nothing but a dream. There was nobody.

Nobody.

“Thor?” He called. Receiving no response, he hurriedly jumped out of bed and rushed to the living room.

“Thor?” He called, raising his voice this time. He saw Jane popped her head from the kitchen, “Did you see my brother?”

“No. He's missing?” Jane gasped.

“Yes.” Loki frowned. “You heard anything?”

“Nothing.” Said Jane, “But I thought you have special abilities? And you just lost him?”

“I was tired and, depressed.” Loki hissed. “I will find him.”

And then he vanished.

 

 

What should he do to make everything normal again? Was it even possible when his lips still burned with Thor's taste? So mad and wrong. How could that oaf just leave. He was so childish and foolish, he could be caught again by SHIELD.

Why did Thor say those things? That he… loved him?

The sweet taste was dancing on his tongue, stupidly lingering. Thor's kiss was so strong, so possessive yet he was trying so hard to be gentle. It made a mess in Loki's mind.

It made a mess.

 

 

Vanishing in a flash as he did, he actually had no idea where to find Thor. He was no wizard or tracker, nor was he a far-seeing. Oh. Someone was. Heimdall. The name pulled out a wry laugh of him. So now he had to turn to the man for help again.

When he got Asgard, the gatekeeper was waiting for him. Their last conversation was very unpleasant, as they both remembered.

“I saw you kissed him.” Heimdall said shortly.

“If you have been watching the whole time you would know that was not true.” Loki grinded his teeth. “Where is he now?” He inhaled, trying to sound genuine. “Please?”

“Why did you kiss him? It's disgusting.”

Loki almost failed to resist the urge to throw his fist at Heimdall's expressionless face. “Thor had lost his memory. He didn't know what he was doing. But it's NOT disgusting.”

“I really want to see what will happen when he's restored to reason. But you're right, I'm not in a position to judge your seduction of him.” Heimdall chuckled ironically.

“Will you tell me or not?”

“He's loitering in the centre of the city. Wandering in the bar, more precisely.” Heimdall said. “And you better move fast. He's a bit, out of form, in a quite attractive way.”

Thor. SHIELD's wanted criminal. Wandering in a bar with girls. No way. 

As Loki hurriedly turned to leave, he heard Heimdall calling from behind.

“Taking advantage of his memory loss is exactly in line with your style, isn't it?”

He clenched his fist without turning around.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first step.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, Heimdall was not evil.
> 
> Enjoy <3

“So my sons are doing great.” Said Odin. Under his throne stood Heimdall, who had just reported everything that he had been watching.

“And you did great, too. Keep going.” Said Odin again.

“Thank you, my king. I'm just following your orders.” Said Heimdall.

“You've made Loki behave like a real adult these days, something I've been trying to do for years.” He said, “True that difficulties and loneliness accelerate one's growth.”

The gatekeeper nodded, reflecting on the allfather's words.

“Do you have anything to share?”

Heimdall looked hesitant. But then he said it anyway. “Have you ever considered, my king, that maybe it wasn't me or my unsparing words that made Loki mature? He seemed, like he literally had no time to argue.” Heimdall tried tentatively.

“Why worried so much? You were a test to him, and he passed well. I saw growth in Loki, and I'm pleased. Now I believe he will successfully help Thor regain his memory and get on track.”

“I saw tiredness in Loki's eyes.” Said Heimdall.

“So your point?” Odin asked, his tone half ironic, “That he shall not continue to get experience because of the tiredness?”

Heimdall remained quiet for a moment. Finally when Odin waved his hand to end the conversation, he stepped closer.

“My king, do you think they'll… grow more intimate?”

Heimdall knew that to the king, it was all good enough to collect information and know his boys were both growing up and getting experience. But think just a bit deeply, the glow in Loki's eyes and the forbearance written in them… It was just new.

“No, of course they won't.” Answered Odin simply. “Keep me informed.”

 

 

The glaring light made Loki's head ache and his temples throb. He looked around, searching for Thor as he pushed a few laughing men away from his way.

“Hey handsome.” He heard a girl saying, tapping him on his shoulder playfully. “Want to join us for a drink?” She eyed a small crowded table behind her.

Loki didn't bother to give a glance. “No, thanks.”

He moved quickly, eyes flashed across everyone that passed. The loud music and writhing crowd… He almost missed it, but then he caught a glimpse of one familiar face. His body stiffened suddenly. It was an agent from SHIELD who he had seen just the day he got Thor out of that cell. No.

Loki hurriedly followed, hoping to find Thor before that guy. His heart was racing with rapid calculating, and as they turned a corner, he was still not sure whether Thor had been identified.

Okay. How bad could it be? He would cut the agent's throat decisively before… Oh. The sound of his thoughts completely shattered as the familiar figure of blonde hair reclined on the sofa came to view.

That damn fool was sitting among the girls and laughing so beautifully. He must had no idea that the police were coming, forming an invisible enclosure. Loki crept closer, throwing his arms around Thor's neck from behind the sofa. Then before anyone could make a sound of stun, he pressed his lips to Thor's ear.

“You idiot.” He whispered. Under the touch he felt Thor's shoulders stiffened suddenly.

“Sweetheart, we should go home.” He said in a voice that could be heard all over the table. His eyes were softly fixed on Thor's dim blue ones, slightly sideways, blocking the agent's view.

A girl hissed, “You're his lover?”

Loki smiled politely but firmly. “Yes.” He looked down at Thor, “How much did you drink, love?”

“I…” Thor stuttered, skin hot under Loki's touch.

“Hurry up, love.”

He could feel it. Thor's body shivered every time the word love slipped out of his mouth. Loki reached under Thor's armpit to pull him up, and Thor followed him in a daze. Behind them a few girls laughed loudly, probably at Loki's funny walking posture or Thor, who was now leaning on him unconsciously, half his weight on Loki's shoulder.

Loki dragged his brother hastily in the men's room and locked the door behind them. Thor wasn't too drunk, probably wasn't drunk at all. He could smell it, he could sense it. “Damn you fucking idiot.” That was all he said before the magic made them disappear in an instant.

 

They smashed into their bed in Jane's house, Thor on top of Loki, their chests pressed tight. Loki gasped, pushing him away hard.

They sat there, facing each other, trying to catch their breath.

“Thank you.” Thor muttered, and Loki didn't see a single shred of repentance in those eyes, only secret surprise and curiosity lingering there.

“What were you thinking?” He growled.

“I don't know.” Thor said honestly. A faint smell of wine pervaded his whole body, but his eyes were all too clear, slight sadness drifted. “I wish I do.”

“So many cops out there, all looking for you. What the hell were you thinking?” Loki repeated, grinding his teeth.

“Really?” Thor's eyes widened, sighing with a lump in his throat. “I'm so sorry I caused you trouble.” He whispered. “I didn't know. I just thought it might get better if I wasn't around.”

“Then why the bar? Why those stupid women?!”

“It hurts so much to be alone.” Thor murmured. “I was wandering, and then a girl, she um… she spotted me. Said she wanted to be my friend and led me there.”

“Thor,” Loki caught Thor's arm and gripped tight, forcing him to look up. “They're a bunch of swindlers who would do nothing but get you drunk, and… and you fool!” He shouted, flushed up to his ears. “You selfish, smug, ignorant fool.”

“I'm so sorry…” Thor bit his lips. “I'm so sorry, don't cry.” He brushed his thumb to Loki's face, wiping away the trace of wet.

“Do you have any idea how much I…” Loki cut himself off with a wry laugh. “You could have been caught again. Taken, away from me again. Thor, you mustn't do that ever again, you mustn't. You can't just walk away because of anger - it's not…”

His words died away as he was pulled into a warm and tight embrace. Thor hugged him like he wanted to squeeze them into one.

“I won't, I promise.”

He had never broken any promises that he made, although he lost all the memory about them. Loki thought as he closed his eyes in Thor's arms.

They remained in that position for a long time. Thor was like a little kid who was ashamed of his mistakes, and Loki silently sat there, letting Thor hold him until their heartbeats returned to a normal rhythm.

“I missed you.” Thor said gently. “I was thinking about you all the time when I was with them. I don't like them at all.”

Loki chuckled, rather helplessly.

Thor swallowed hard.

Then Loki looked up, their eyes met. “Why did you think it would be better if you left?”

“Because you've… made it clear that you disliked me. I couldn't stand the idea of being an annoying fool around you.” Whispered Thor.

Loki smiled. It was so beautiful. Thor couldn't take his eyes off those pink lips.

“You're an annoying fool in any case.”

Thor smiled with him, entwined their hands. He lowered his head to gaze into Loki's green eyes deeply.

“I don't want to remember.” He murmured against Loki's nose, pressing their foreheads together.

“Okay.” Loki whispered.

“Because I want to be a different, better person.”

“Okay, Thor.” Loki wheezed, looking into Thor's sincere eyes.

“Can you see me as a new person? Who's not your boring, annoying brother?” He purred.

“It's hard.” Loki breathed. “And my annoying brother is not that bad.” He just would never harbor any feelings like this for me.

“I can do better than that.” Thor said earnestly.

“Okay. You win.” Loki sighed.

“I love you.” Thor muttered against his lips. Loki looked up, a blush starting on his cheeks.

“Can you please… give me a chance to love you?” In a low whisper, Thor cupped Loki's cheeks in his big hands, his eyes seeking permission.

“Thor I… have never thought about looking at you this way. It was simply an impossible thing before. And touching you… It's too much, no I…”

In Thor's moist blue eyes Loki saw emotion he had never seen before. Emotion that belonged to a different man. He blinked, looking at this man in front of him, and his throat tightened.

“I could only allow kissing.” He heard himself murmured slowly. “No room for negotiation.”

A huge smile spread over Thor. He stroked Loki's soft black hair, caressed his cheeks. Gently tracing Loki's lips, rubbing his fingers on his soft, warm skin. Loki shivered silently, eyes fixed on his sparkling blue ones. Thor leaned in and pressed his lips to Loki's. He brought their chests together, and Loki's hands fumbled on his back, his fingers groped, slowly tightened around Thor's waist.

Soft lips rubbed together, and Thor felt slight electricity running through every corner of his body. Loki purred, moaning against his lips, and Thor tightened his arms, pressed his tongue in just a little bit. Soft whimper slipped out of Loki's mouth as their tongues touched. Their breathing intertwined, bodies heated against each other's. Thor closed his eyes, his heart thumped in his chest.

They broke the kiss for air, and when they both looked up, breathing heavily, Thor licked his lips with a sigh of surprise.

“Loki… wow.”

Loki blinked a few times, his eyes wide, too.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki's shrewd brain felt a little overwhelmed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains plenty of Loki's emotions.  
> I hope you enjoy as always. Thank you all for the lovely comments guys :)

Loki hadn't been in love before.

Well, that's not to say he's in love now. But he was definitely in a weird relationship, which was nearly unable to adapt. It was weird because it almost felt too good, but just looking at the contour of Thor's handsome face making him doubt the truth of everything.

It almost felt too good…

That was how he spent that sleepless night. Looking at Thor's peaceful face every few minutes then turning to stare into the darkness, savoring the lingering sweetness on his lips.

Thor was recovering quickly. The wound on his shoulders and legs were healed, and his appetite improved. Loki could even see that he had gained some muscle.

Then… what about his mental state? His memory? Would it return so quickly as well?

It would. No doubt. He was getting better and so would his memory. It wasn't something one could stop.

And the thing between them… would fade away just as fast as it came. Which was good. Loki rubbed his temple, hoping he could keep thinking that way. 

It was already dawn when sleepiness finally struck. 

 

“Mmm”

“Mmmm…”

Loki let out a snort of discontent when he felt someone rubbing against his neck. Still half asleep, he stretched his neck and tried to turn over, but felt large hands clasping his waist and shaggy whiskers rubbing on his chin, provoking a little tingling.

“My angel…”

“Mm…” He opened his eyes slowly with a grunt and found himself wrapped in Thor's arms, his blue eyes so close, looking at him with tenderness.

Thor blinked at his sudden awakening, his eyes lit up. But he seemed a little overwhelmed that for a moment nothing came out of his slightly opened mouth.

“You're squeezing me.” Loki groaned.

“Oh, I'm sorry - ” Thor hurriedly removed his arms. “You're so beautiful. I can't help myself.” He murmured, brushed his thumb through a strand of hair on Loki's forehead. Loki's fingers slowly tightened around the blanket, trying to control his quickening breathing. He looked at Thor's hand and flickered to his chin, refusing to make eye contact.

He moaned softly when Thor's lips pressed to his. Thor was kissing him slowly, parting his lips with his tongue, sucking around his bottom lip and tilting his head, just to clasp their lips hard again.

His hand clawed into Thor's hair. His back arched into Thor's chest. He felt Thor's erection pressed against his stomach, rubbing his crotch as their lips clashed together. This wasn't how it should go. This wasn't - 

And everything in his mind shattered when Thor kissed down his neck, flicked out his tongue against his earlobe and then let his lips proceed along the shell, his tongue explore its inner curve.

“Agh, Thor no…”

“Mm.” Thor mouthed his neck, his elevated breath sounding loudly in Loki's ear, and a warm current ran down his belly.

“Stop, stop stop Thor…”

Thor looked up, smiling brightly at him.

“Simpleton.” Loki hissed, “What are you doing?”

“Kissing you?” Thor blinked, looking completely innocent.

“Well take it in small steps. Didn't I say that?” Loki pushed him away and sat up, rubbing his hair to hide his blushing face and unsteady breathing.

“I won't do anything you don't allow, babe.” Thor leaned over, touching Loki's chin. “I can't control my body's reaction though.” He smiled.

“What did you just call me?”

“Baby? Oh um… You don't like it?”

Loki looked at him for a while, then he sighed loudly. “I was surprised. Don't give me puppy eyes.” He pulled Thor closer into a hug, and got himself trapped into those large arms. Thor kissed him, softly this time, hands wrapped tightly around Loki's back while Loki gently clasped his collar and started to kiss him back. 

“Are you feeling ok? You're cold.”

Then warm me up.

“I'm fine.”

“You look a bit tired.” Thor asked against his lips between kisses. Loki hummed, tracing gentle lines on Thor's back.

“It's still hard to accept this.” Loki sighed.

Thor nodded, keeping their lips touched. “Thank you.” He murmured, “You are so beautiful. So different from me.” He tilted Loki's head and kissed the soft skin under his ear. “Is this ok?”

“Mm yes… Thor,” Loki curled his fingers, closed his eyes in the sensation. “Take it slow. I need time to adapt to this.”

No… He wished he didn't know the obvious lie.

It almost felt too good.

He just needed time to admit it.

 

They joined Jane for breakfast together. Seeing the little smile on Thor's lips, the girl's face lit up.

“You look great.” She said softly.

“Yeah. Loki have helped me a lot.” He said, glancing at Loki with a grin, who was biting into a piece of toast.

“Oh that's so good. Did you remember anything?”

“Not yet.” Said Thor. “But don't worry about me, Jane. I'm good.” He took the drink she offered and tasted it, smiling widely at her.

He's smiling like warm sunshine at the girl. Right? It's so easy for him.

“I was thinking,” Said Jane, flickering her eyes at Thor's face. “That it might be helpful to take you around today. Show you places we used to go together and, talk more.”

“Um.” Thor looked hesitant, “What about Loki?”

“Oh… He could come with us surely.” But the reluctance was in her tone clearly.

“I'd better not. I got work to do.” Said Loki. Glancing at Thor, he finished the rest of his drink, trying to excuse himself. “Have fun. Thank you for letting us stay Jane.”

“Loki?” Thor grabbed his hand, asking anxiously, “Where are you going?”

“I will find out who's behind this and make him pay.” Loki said tonelessly, looking down at Thor's expectant innocent eyes.

“But I… I will see you again tonight?”

“Yes you will.”

“Oh, okay.”

“Will you let go of your grip?”

“Be safe.” Thor whispered, rubbing his thumb in Loki's hand before letting him go.

 

 

They walked quietly along the path of the courtyard, the warm sun streaming down Jane's hair, the hazel glitter draped over her shoulders. Thor paid little attention to the glow.

“What was that?” Jane broke the silence with a soft voice.

“Hm?”

“The way you… um,” She slightly pursed her lips, “The way you looked at your brother before he left. You looked a little scared. Did something happen? Did he do something wrong? Hurt you?”

“What? No!” Thor said hurriedly. “He would never hurt me.”

Thor looked at Jane frowning, a little tongue-tied.

“Okay. It's just… He looked absent-minded too.”

Thor didn't quite know what to say to that. “Well… Loki was tired.”

It was private and he didn't want to share.

“Maybe.” Jane gave a little smile. “He's amazing though. He made you smile. You were resisting me just yesterday.”

“Resisting you?” Thor blinked, “Did I look hostile? I'm sorry if I upset you Jane.” He breathed, “You were so kind to us, and I know we must have caused you a lot of trouble living here. I was… out of form the other day, but trust me, I really want to be your friend.”

Jane hushed him with a finger on his lips. She stood on tiptoe, held him lightly by the collar and beckoned him to look at the roadside flowers.

“Aren't they beautiful?” She whispered.

“Yes. You have a nice garden.” Thor gave a hasty breath as she leaned in suddenly, laid her hands on his waist.

“Jane? What are you - ”

She drew herself lightly into his arms. “This is where you hugged me for the first time.”

As Thor remained silent and stiff, the girl looked up, cupped his face in her small hands. “You know what we did after?”

“I don't think…”

“What's wrong Thor? Where's that smile?” Jane frowned at his stiffened body. “Did I do something wrong? Don't you like my company?”

“No, no. Jane, I appreciate everything you did for me, I really do.” He put her hands down, looking serious at her. “But this, I don't want this.”

“What do you mean by that? Do you not want to remember everything we've shared?”

He saw tears lingering in her big hazel eyes, and suddenly felt overwhelmed. “Don't cry please. You did nothing wrong, it's not because of you.”

“Is him, isn't it? Your brother?”

He went completely silent for a few seconds. Then he exhaled deeply, meeting her eyes.

“Loki have told me things I did before. It was my own choice to stop him. I don't want to go back. I want to be a better man instead.” He said honestly. “Please stop helping me remember.”

“But you were a good man before! What on earth did he tell you? Not trying to drive a wedge between you but he's so weird! I'm worried, I'm… I don't want you to be like that.”

“He's not weird.” Thor said firmly, “I think we are done here today Jane.”

“Wait, he saved you, yes, but you've told me some of his stories before, and he's a… crafty guy, really - ”

“I love him.”

“What?” She gasped in horror.

“Well, I love him, I adore him. That's how I feel now, and I don't intend to go back to my old self.”

Jane looked at him with wide eyes, stunned completely. “Oh my god… I suspected it this morning but I pushed it aside. This is madness! Thor he's your brother - No, you're not yourself, you're not thinking clearly.” She took in a shallow breath.

“I'm truly sorry Jane. But don't ever say that again.” Thor squeezed her hand a little, then let it go.

 

 

Loki came back in the evening. He just showed up in the room silently, walking straight towards the bathroom, didn't bother to give a glance to Thor, who sat on the bed and looked at him like a child that got candy.

“Loki!”

“Don't.” He said without turning back. “I need a shower.”

As Loki took off his coat, a faint stain of blood seeped out, and he quickly crumpled up his clothes, throwing them into the bathroom, leaving only a slender figure behind.

“Wait! Loki? What happened?” Thor came up grabbing his arm, “Did you get hurt?”

“Blood's not mine. I met three men, talking about the unfinished experiment of you. Killed them all.” He said shortly, as if talking about something perfectly normal.

Thor's stunned face was easy to picture. Loki shut the door behind him, leaned against it and closed his eyes.

The sound of hot water running in the bathroom made Thor feel uneasy. He waited outside like a scolded kid, wishing to know the way to make Loki happy. He didn't wait too long though, the sound stopped and Loki opened the door, poking his head from the steam.

“No towels here.”

“Oh, let me get you one.” Thor smiled at him before turning to the bed. Then he returned, wrapped Loki into a huge bath towel and hugged him, nuzzling against his ear. He purred as Loki let out a slight grunt of surprise, rearing his head back. Thor hugged him tighter, held them back until he reached the edge of the bed, then sat down with Loki straddled on his lap and lay down slowly. He nipped at Loki's ear, nibbling along his jaw until Loki moaned out with fingers groping on the sheet. he ran his hands under the edge of the towel, up to the smooth indentations of Loki's ribs. But Loki stopped him when he leaned over trying to capture his lips.

“Did you have fun with Jane?”

He was not jealous. He just needed to make sure he wasn't being used. Right.

“Not really. I think we need to find another place.” Thor sighed against his neck, didn't sound sad at all.

“Why?”

“Because she looked so shocked and disappointed when I said I couldn't respond to her feelings because I loved you.”

Loki's eyes widened. “Oh… Oh. You told her that?”

Why suddenly feeling so relieved to hear this?

“I did. I couldn't lie.” Thor turned Loki's chin gently, making him look at his expectant eyes. “Can we go home? I want to be alone with you.”

Why suddenly feeling so stupid to sulk for nothing all day?

“Some people don't really like me there.” Said Loki.

“Let's stay away from them then.”

“It's not that simple.”

“I know. I'm with you.” Thor whispered, cupped Loki's face and traced gentle fingertips along his hairline.

Loki took in a deep breath. “We can't tell them we're together.”

“Okay.”

“I must be out of my mind.” Loki sighed against Thor's shoulder, thinking back to everything happened in a few short days.

“But it feels so right.” Thor turned his face and pressed their lips together. Loki parted his lips unconsciously, his legs twisted gently between Thor's. Blonde hair reclined on his face, Thor's tongue stroked the curve inside his mouth, chasing his own, and his mind went blank in the passionate kiss.

Their lips parted as Thor breathed heavily, gazing into Loki's green eyes, a smile stole over his face. “Thank you for what you did today. Hmm… You are warmer. Are you feeling more relaxed now?”

“Yes, yes.” Loki snuggled up to him, closing his eyes in delight.

“I love you so much.” Whispered Thor, warm hands wrapped around Loki's waist.

“Take it slow. Remember that Thor.”

“Yes, I know.” Thor closed his eyes, sounded perfectly satisfied.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to Asgard. The Allfather arranged a healer for Thor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still lots of feelings in this chapter, but Loki's doubts were clearing up. Enjoy

When the daylight poured into the house through the windows, they went to Jane to say goodbye. The girl's eyes glistened with tears, but she managed to hold them back. Thor hugged her before they went out, whispering thank you and sorry against her ears.

“I will always welcome you back.”

“Thank you, I'll come to see you and my friends here.” Thor said sincerely.

“Then I'll be waiting.” She glanced at Loki, who was smiling faintly. “This is not how I wish to…” She cut herself off, smiling a little awkwardly and taking another deep breath. “Well, goodbye for now.”

“Goodbye.” Thor smiled back, and watched her shuffled away.

Taking Thor away from that girl was good.

But Taking Thor back to Asgard was a terrible, terrible idea. It meant taking his competitor along. It meant the throne he had always wanted, and deserved, might not be his.

“Sentiment.” Whispered Loki.

“It's normal for her. But I'm so glad we're alone now.” Thor put a hand on Loki's waist and held him close, “Take me home?”

“We're far from alone.” Loki said, looking up at the sky, his voice as usual. “I'd rather not take us down that secret path, but Heimdall hates me, so.” He took Thor's hand and gave it a little squeeze, “Follow me.”

But before his words fell, a dazzling light poured down from the sky. It shocked them both, and Loki stared at the bifrost for a moment before looking up in disbelief.

“Wow, this is your secret path?” Thor's eyes widened in amazement, “Loki it's so cool.”

“This…” Loki finally hissed. “Just shut up and come with me.”

In a rapid beam of light the bifrost took them up, landed them in the gate of Asgard. Thor gasped at the beauty and the magnificence surrounded him, looking down at the huge bridge that had brought him up, then turning to Loki with big sparkling eyes. Loki wasn't meeting his gaze, though, and he finally saw the armed gatekeeper in front of them, who was examining both of their faces with deep eyes.

“Hi Heimdall, again.” Loki smirked at him, “Just to be clear, no one was asking you for help.”

“I know.” Said Heimdall, “And let me be clear too, I don't hate you, Loki.”

“You heard it? You've been watching? Oh.” Loki frowned. “I thought you weren't interested.”

Thor flickered his eyes between them, a little confused.

“Thor,” Said the watcher, “You probably don't remember me, but I'm not an enemy. Loki is just being dramatic.”

“I'm not!” Loki shouted, annoyed, glaring at Thor. “He does hate me.”

Thor looked at Loki's pink face and couldn't help smiling, suddenly feeling an urge to pinch it.

Heimdall chuckled quietly at them. They are so cute. But he would never say that, for such a conversation was beneath a gatekeeper's dignity.

“Your father had ordered me to keep an eye on you both and report back. But more and more I found it violated the watchman's rules.” Said Heimdall. “I don't want to get involved in your business. But I won't tell on you either. That's how I've always been doing. Looking, but not judging. And I don't want to be used as a weapon.”

Loki listened to him quietly. Thor's eyes were wide, he didn't need to look to know. When Heimdall finished, Loki's green eyes were fixed on his face, as if trying to find a trace of lying. But then he nodded, sincerely. “Thank you for that.”

“You're welcome. But your father will know you're back. Go see him.”

Loki nodded again and led Thor away.

 

Before they entered Odin's palace, Thor backed Loki into a corner against the wall, kissing him eagerly in the corridor. Loki put his arms around Thor's neck as their tongues touched, his knees buckled.

“I want you to show me around. I want to explore every place you like.” He murmured against Loki's lips.

“Later.” Loki breathed, “We have to go to our father now.”

“He's creepy I think. Has he been trying to spy on us?” He muttered. “Okay, let's meet him then.”

Though prepared, Thor was shocked by the solemnity and splendor of the palace when the guards opened the door for them. There Odin was, sitting on the throne holding his scepter, looking at them sharply with one eye.

“My sons.” Said Odin, with a slight smile. “First of all I'd like to congratulate you, Loki. You've grown up very quickly over this period, and you've saved Thor.”

“Thank you, father.”

Thor was frowning slightly when Odin turned to him. The Allfather looked him up and down, “Thor, my son,” Said he, “Although you had been exiled because of your reckless behavior, my punishment for you will certainly be terminated after you experience the pain of amnesia.”

Loki shot him stern gaze, and he remembered that he should express his gratitude.

“Thank you, father.” Thor stood stiff, “I must have been a terrible son. But I feel lucky, relieved even, for I have a chance to be a better man now.”

Odin pondered his words. “That's good my son.” Said he, “But we have the best healer here who has a good chance to cure you, so you'll get a thorough examination first, then receive the treatment he arranges. So you can restore your memory sooner. I look forward to your reflection on this difficult experience and your learning, and then I shall renew you the strength you deserve.”

His words were solicitous, but not negotiable. Thor's mouth pressed into a thin line.

Oh. The strength he deserved.

Had he never thought about me succeeding to the throne?

Had he never thought about me?

“We can't express how grateful we are, father. Thank you for the arrangement.” Said Loki.

“No, wait,” Thor interjected hurriedly, “I don't want the strength you talked about, I just want to keep things as they are now. I want to be a better person, father, without the blast of the past.” He said earnestly, looking at Odin with sincere eyes.

“No, Thor.” Odin shook his head. “You won't think like that once we help you remember. Now, my boys, let's not waste more time on the lengthy conversation. Loki, take your brother to the healer now.”

And there were guards who accompanied them all the way. They walked in an awkward silence, until they reached the treatment room, and a tall young man was waiting at the door, greeted them with a polite smile.

“My Price, please come in with me.” Said he.

Thor frowned at his salutation, and his frown deepened as the healer made a forbidden gesture to Loki.

“I'm sorry, this room is only for the patient.”

“I'm not a - ”

“I see.” Loki smiled at the young man, “I'll wait here then.”

The door was shut behind them, and Thor struggled hard as the healer put him on a recliner and instantly his hands and feet were held tight by the instruments.

“God, do we have to do this? What are you going to do to me?”

“I'm sorry, but it's all necessary.” Said the young healer, “Close your eyes for me. This examination will take only a few minutes.”

Thor sighed and obeyed. He wondered if Loki was still out there waiting.

And the vague emotion in those beautiful green eyes. He wondered what in this planet had took his angel's smile away.

“You can open your eyes now.”

Thor did, and the healer was frowning deeply at him.

“There is… There is nothing wrong with your brain.” Said the young man, “No damage. Are you sure you couldn't recall anything?”

“I'm sure.” Thor blinked. Nothing wrong? Was that normal? Was that good? “So um, I'm free to go?”

“No, no. Although there's no problems detected yet, I can still give you this infusion.” He said, taking out a large bottle filled with light blue liquid. “It's quite a lot. So be ready to spend the night here.”

“You can't just do this!” Thor yelled, “I won't play! Wait stop! What is in there? Answer me!”

The healer didn't say anything until he made sure every tie was fastened and there was no way Thor could break free. “Just to relax you. It would help with further treatment.”

“I am relaxed! Stop this! Stop injecting! Help!”

The man gave Thor's pricked hand one last look and turned away. “It's all for your own good. Besides, this room is protected by a spell, so no one could come in. Not even your brother.”

“Liar! I hate you! Let me go!” Thor cried in pain.

“I'll see you tomorrow morning.”

He cried miserably, and there was only silence. Thor shook as hard as he could, trying to free his arms, but to no avail. He tilted his head and closed his eyes, sobbing.

Stop injecting. Stop hurting me. Stop hurting me again.

 

The healer didn't keep his words though. He entered the room once again, and Thor had just stared at the ceiling for ten minutes.

“What?!” He said through gritted teeth at the young man.

He received no response. The healer just moved quietly to his recliner and tore off the needles.

“What the - ” Thor looked at his movement in astonishment, and the healer met his stare without blinking, his expression flat.

“Hey what's wrong with you?!” Thor's eyes widened with fright when the young man suddenly leaned over and his face inches away. And his voice died away in the kiss. His mind went blank, but out of the corner of his eyes he saw the man's short brown hair was slowly turning to raven over his shoulders. Then their lips parted, and a pair of green eyes gazed significantly at him.

“Miss me?” Loki looked at his funny shocked face, the light in Thor's eyes brought a curve to his lips. Thor pulled him down into another eager kiss before he could let out another word. Their tongues clashed together, and one of Loki hand clutched the fabric on Thor's chest, the other rested on the recliner. He moaned softly into the kiss, pulled them both up and breathed against Thor's lips.

“How are you feeling?”

“Miss you so much.” Thor cupped his face and pressed their lips together again, “Loki angel,” He whispered between kisses, swallowed every little moan of Loki's, “I'm alright, babe. Mmm.”

“He said he would come tomorrow?” Loki breathed, clutching Thor's collar, “Let's get out of here.”

His words just dropped, and they disappeared in the air, landed in Loki's room, fell on the bed together. Even before they sat up Thor grabbed Loki's waist and kissed him passionately, pressing all his weights on Loki's and lay them down into the soft mattress. Loki kissed him back sweetly, sinking his fingers into Thor's blonde hair. Thor dragged Loki forward by the hips as Loki deepened the kiss with intermittent strokes of his tongue, his hands twined in Thor's hair to tip his head forward. “I miss you too.” He whispered in short, shallow breath. “I will never let anyone do that to you again. Not even our father the king.”

Thor buried his face in the crook of Loki's neck, inhaled deeply and let out a content little mewl, his eyes falling closed at the softly-murmured endearment. Loki shifted uneasily, trying to hide the obvious bulge in his trousers, and blushed as Thor chuckled, turning to kiss his chin again.

“Not now.”

Thor slowed down his kisses, still holding Loki in his arms.

“Okay, anything you say, angel.”

Loki held his breath, looking at the big, warm smile on Thor's lips. It belonged to him. Forcing its way into his heart, and implicated none of those confusion and doubts.

Lost. Swallowed by these feelings.

“I wouldn't mind to take a walk with you tonight.” Said Loki gently, “Show you my favorite place, like you said.”

“That's wonderful, Thank you, thank you, Loki,” Thor murmured, snuggled up close to him.

“Though I heard some of, your old friends were planning a dinner party for you.” Loki sighed, closing his eyes.

Thor hummed. “Sounds good. You'll be there, right?”

He slowly nudged the back of Thor's hand.

“Yes. I'll be there.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dinner party. Loki left in the middle of it, and step two happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy :) Waring, NSFW.

They all said their prince would recover fully very soon, but Thor didn't. He looked a lot like his old self now, put on more weight, the muscles, and those ocean blue eyes were bright and deep and sparkling again. Only his memory didn't return. And the welcome dinner which had been postponed for two weeks was finally about to happen this night.

They were waiting to welcome their prince back, everyone knew it. But then they decided to welcome Thor anyway.

“How are you feeling?”

Oh, Lady Sif. Just finished his combat training, Thor wiped the sweat from his forehead and turned to smile at her.

“Yeah I'm good Sif. Thanks.”

“Remember to come early tonight.” She smiled brightly, patting his back. “Tired?”

“Oh no, no.” Thor laughed, “I can handle this level of exercise. I've recovered completely I think.”

“Want to take a walk with me?”

“I'd love to but,” Thor gave her an apologetic smile, “I need to go and meet Loki for our appointment at the library now.”

“Loki again? The library?” Sif frowned as if hearing the most ridiculous thing. But then she gave an understanding nod, “Your relationship has really gotten this good. I'll see you two at dinner then.”

“See you, Sif.” Thor waved.

He rushed to the third floor of the labyrinthine library and saw the slender figure sitting by the window. A grin emerged on his lips as he quietly encircled Loki from behind.

“Hey, babe.” He tightened his arms around Loki's waist, tilting his head to kiss on Loki's cheek. Loki giggled, stretched his neck like a cat, purring in his throat, mouth parting as Thor kissed him just below his ear.

“Mm, too warm.” Loki murmured under the touch, his back pressed firmly against Thor's chest, feeling every breath he took. “You're covered in sweat.” Said he, not a hint of discontent in his tone though.

“Sorry.” Thor chuckled. “What's this? The history of Jotunheim… What's Jotunheim?”

“A frozen place you used to hate.” Loki grinned, “The hometown of giants.”

“I don't hate it. I hardly know it… Do you?”

“Well, been there once. Not quite enjoyed. But it never hurts to learn more.” Loki closed the book and placed it on his lap, turning his face in Thor's arms to kiss him. Their tongues lapped up, bodies pressed tightly. “I want to read it too.” Murmured Thor, taking the thick book to his arms. “Oh please. It's just about a bunch of ugly, fierce giants…” Loki breathed, swallowed hard between kisses.

“I want to learn things you're interested in.” He started to lick Loki, pulling at Loki's bottom lip with his teeth.

“Fool.” Loki smiled and closed his eyes.

 

 

They showed up for dinner on time. And Loki witnessed Thor getting hugs from each and everyone that passed. People nodded and smiled to Loki, for they knew the younger prince wasn't too keen on physical contact. But Thor kept their bodies close the whole time, until they sat down side by side and he held Loki's hand under the table. Golden lights shone overhead, people greeted each other joyfully, and Loki turned to Thor, a little startled at the daring touch in public. Thor smiled widely at him, squeezing his hands and rubbing their fingers. Loki glared at him, trying to pull his hand out, and Thor winked, leaning over slightly, angling his head close to Loki's.

 

“So here's to our bravest and dearest friend, our prince and future king Thor.” Said Fandral, with a glass in his hand, “We missed you.” And looking over many different faces Loki saw Sif was smiling almost shyly, her cheeks pink.

Obviously no one saw their entwined fingers.

As Thor was busy expressing his gratitude, someone holding a glass laughing, “What's it like to lose memory?”

Thor laughed too, “It's actually pretty good I would say. I've got a chance to start over.” He looked sideways at Loki and his lips twitched slowly into a tiny smile, making Loki's hand stir slightly. Sif glanced at them. “Wow. Good? That doesn't sound like you. You've changed a lot Thor!”

“Really?” Thor kept the wide and polite smile on his lips, “You guys still treat me like family. I feel so lucky.”

“That, we certainly do. Come on let's start drinking and eating.”

People clinked glass, starting to talk happily and cheerfully. No one mentioned Loki's contribution or his merit. Nor did anyone congratulate Thor's willingness to start over.

Their prince. Their future king.

Their old, changeless Thor. Where was he? Was he here? Was he?

If no one could see, then could he be sure that this is real? That this man, this smiling, gorgeous, charming man, whispering sweet things against Loki's ear, is real?

Had he been blinded by feelings?

What explains all this feelings? All this… love, no. Don't be ridiculous. Nothing explains anything.

Loki didn't even realize that Thor had withdrawn his hand gently, sitting uneasily beside him and shifting restlessly.

“Hey, Loki, are you listening? Sif wants me to come to her but I don't - how should I decline her offer?”

Their elbows brushed, the friction shooting sparks up his spine. Loki almost gasped.

Not far away Sif waved to Thor again, beckoning him to come over and taste the delicious beef. “Go.” Said Loki, murmuring before taking another sip. “Don't you see? The lady is waiting.”

Thor smiled awkwardly, standing up and walking towards Sif. Oh. Everyone was looking at him again. Even if he was doing nothing but simply walking.

Too much. Too much.

Loki got up, pushed his chair in and slipped away, leaving an unfinished glass of wine on the table.

Don't know what to think anymore.

 

 

In the quiet garden of the night, Loki wandered among vines and flowers, stepped on the path and reached the end where the moonlight couldn't shine, sitting down on the stone bench.

As if here is where he belongs to.

It could've been so much easier had him known how to resist the glow. Turns out he's not bathed in sunlight, but in shadow, isn't it?

He stood up, sat back down, stood up again, and began to take a few steps in the garden. The sound of rapid footsteps was heard in the distance, and Loki startled, cursing soundlessly of whoever that broke his silence. But was he hallucinating? No one was in sight. He sighed and continued his walking, closing his eyes to feel the emptiness.

“Ah!” He yelped when a pair of strong arms suddenly wrapped tightly around him from behind. In an instant a dagger appeared in his hand, and he turned, striking deep into the man's shoulder. Using up all his strength, and the mist slowly cleared from his eyes. He stared at the man, stunned, as Thor gasped at the cut over his shoulder, eyebrows knotted tingly in pain.

“Thor?! Oh my - Thor,” He pulled the dagger out hurriedly. And it took him a moment, like a stupid, frightened child, to think of healing Thor's wound with his magic.

They stared at each other with wide eyes, Loki's heart heaving in his chest, unable to say a word.

Wasn't he drinking and talking with people? With Sif?

“Wow - That's amazing, your magic,” Thor blinked at his shoulder, cracking a smile. And when Loki still didn't respond, he leaned closer to pull him in his arms, planted kisses on the corner of his mouth. Loki shivered in his embrace, fingers groping on his clothes, kissing back hungrily, almost desperately.

“Babe,” Thor moaned, held Loki by his thigh and lifted him up, wrapping those slender legs around his waist. “I've been looking for you,” He breathed, kissed down Loki's neck and sucked gently but hungrily, “I know you don't like the noise, me neither,” Breathlessly, “Kiss me.” And Loki caught the groan before it spilled from his mouth as Thor placed him back on the bench, knelt down at his feet and held his hip, taking his hand to kiss his fingers.

“Thor! Agh…” He covered his mouth, panting. Thor looked at him with those damn pleading eyes, whispering, “May I make you feel good?” Mist fogged Loki's eyes, his waist moved uncontrollably, “Thor, you can't just… You can't just say things like that!” Yes, yes please, make me feel good, brother… “We're in the middle of the… oh fuck, yes. Yes.”

Thor wrapped his fingers around Loki's erection through his trousers, squeezing, before freeing it and taking it to his mouth. Loki's eyes fluttered closed as he arched his neck, letting Thor suck him up and down. He was so eager, clumsy and hurried, almost choked on Loki's cock, but every time he swallowed, more of Loki's blood drained to his cock, until it became fully erect and stroked the back of Thor's throat. His skin was hot under Thor's big hands, which reached low and cupped his balls, pulling and rubbing gently.

“Ohh… More, please Thor!”

Thor licked him, his tongue lingered on the head, looking up and saw Loki blushing all over, gazing at him hungrily. He reached down to stroke his own painfully hard cock as he took Loki back to his mouth, thoroughly, sweetly, feeling Loki's fingers tightened around his hair. He was desperate. 

“I'm coming,” Loki gasped, but the grip on Thor's hair did not diminish. He bucked his hip up to thrust into Thor's mouth one last time and spilled, whining Thor's name. Thor didn't waste a drop. Loki pulled him up and they kissed, sucked and bit at each other's mouths, and his hands wrapped firmly around Thor's cock.

“Angel, you taste sweet,” His voice shattered to a whine as Loki stroked him fast and hard, sucking bruises into his neck. With a choked groan Thor came, spilling his seed in Loki's hand. They were kissing again, Loki dragged him forward by the hips, deepened the kiss with strokes of his tongue.

You're so easy to love.

But Thor was busy kissing and licking him like a big cat, grasping him so tightly and pressing him down with his body.

“It's so good.” Loki whispered instead, “You've… left my mind blank.”

Oh, he almost didn't say it.

Thor grinned at his praise, hugging him tighter.

“We should - ” Loki moaned, “Go back to them before anyone suspects anything.”

“I wish I could love you in front of everyone.” Whispered Thor. Seeing Loki's wide eyes he quickly added, “I mean, show my love to you, not, that…”

Loki gave a brief wry smile. “We're brothers. Haven't you noticed? No one was even listening to your speech of starting over. We're… brothers, to everyone, and it couldn't ever…”

“Shh.” Thor hushed him with a gentle kiss. Loki went quiet, lowered his face to Thor's neck, inhaling deeply.

“You stay here, and I'll go back to tell them you're not feeling well and we shall leave early.”

Loki nodded.

A few minutes later Thor was back. And in the quiet garden, they started to wander.

“What's the casket of winters?” Thor asked suddenly. And Loki frowned.

“How did you know the name?”

“I saw it on the book you read today.” Thor's eyes were sparkling now, and his tone expectant, “Did you see it when you were in Jotunheim?”

Loki laughed. “No. It is here. We have it.”

“Really? We do?” Thor's eyes widened in surprise. “Can you please show me?”

Loki smiled and sighed at his stupid stubbornness. “It's just a… Alright. Stop the puppy eyes Thor. Follow me.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki's hand was on the casket of winters, and they never expected him to turn blue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still plenty of emotions and pain, and NSFW, hope you enjoy.

“Is this it? It's much cooler than it looks in the book.” In the quiet underground chamber Thor cupped the blue square in his hands, feeling the luminous light it gleamed. He smiled to Loki widely and whispered, “I love it. As beautiful as you.”

“I think you must be saying as cold as me.” Loki smiled with him, leaning over, his eyes gleamy with delight.

“You're not cold at all. And it is not, either. Come, feel it.” Said Thor, softly, guiding Loki's hand to the object, the casket of winters, “Have you ever touched it? Used it as a weapon?”

“No.” Loki's fingers brushed Thor's broad palm, lingering there, and fell on the blue square with it. Warmth was intoxicating in the cool touch, making Loki close his eyes and exhale deeply.

For a moment Thor was so utterly quiet. And Loki chuckled with half-lidded eyes, whispering, “Why does it feel a little good to do something so stupid like this with you.”

“Lo… This is, magical, you're so beautiful.” Thor breathed, and Loki opened his eyes doubtfully, meeting his sparkling wide blue ones.

“Why did you suddenly say that?”

“You, you're blue. The most beautiful thing I could ever…”

Loki frowned at his strange words, looking down at his arms, and froze with a gasp. Their locked hands were still on the casket of winters, but deep blue was like a snake, winding it's way up to Loki's arm, to his chest, to his whole body and wrapped tightly around him, while Thor was completely unharmed.

Loki breathed horrified, trembling like a scared child. He blinked, looking at himself then at Thor, “Why? I… This isn't real, this isn't real is it?” He withdrew his hand from Thor's with a rush, and the moment his hand left the square, the blue color faded.

Thor lost his words. Loki cried and took the square, grabbed tightly in his hands, and this time he saw Thor's stunning face. “Loki, what happened to your eyes?”

“My eyes?” Said he, barely a whisper. He stared at Thor, right into those ocean blue eyes, and he saw his own reflection. Red eyes, blue body, long strips all too clear, even on his forehead.

“Loki? What…”

Poor Thor, must be so confused and horrified. Oh, right, horrified, the man called him his angel, knelt down before him and sucked him off less than an hour ago, was horrified just like himself now.

“I don't know either, Thor.”

Don't know either? Don't they both know explicitly? From that stupid book this morning? The blue skin? The red eyes?

Did Thor know before the banishment? What would he react if he hadn't lost his memory? Or did Odin lie to both of them?

It felt as if being flung violently into the cold water, with dark whirlpools and rapids all around. Thought he wasn't alone, turned out just lie. And his heart, frozen, he couldn't feel it.

Loki squinted, expressionless. “Come here, Thor.” When Thor didn't move, he laughed thoroughly, “Come.”

Thor did, hadn't come to his senses yet. Loki sneered quietly, reached out one hand and a frost dagger just appeared, struck its way to Thor's abdomen.

 

 

Loki dragged Thor, who was bleeding and contorted with pain, all the way to the palace. It was night, only two guards were still at the gate, and there was no light in it.

“Loki, Loki! Please calm down - ” Thor croaked, and Loki simply intensified his grip, the dagger rest on Thor's neck as they walked to Odin's chamber.

“Oh, Loki…”

“Shut up,” Loki turned and hissed, his eyes burning with anger as tears fell. Thor went quiet, the pain made his forehead sweat and his lips twitch. Loki pushed the door open, harshly and hard, and there Odin was, sitting at the table reading a book, his face almost beaming, must be an amusing story he read.

“What's so funny? Father?” Loki kept his tone ironic, clutched Thor, dagger pressed to his neck. “Look at me! What am I?!”

Odin looked up from his book and saw Thor's bleeding clothes and Loki, covered in blue, and his mouth opened with shock.

Thor refused to make eye contact with his father.

“Loki heal him!” Said Odin, hurriedly, “Are you out of you mind? He is but a mortal now!”

“What, am, I?” Loki said through gritted teeth. And Thor looked at him, at those dark red eyes, he wheezed hard.

Odin dared not act rashly, for the dagger in Loki's hand had already drawn a small cut on Thor's neck. And Thor kept his eyes open, without trembling, but he was clearly in severe pain.

“You're my son, Loki. I - adopted you, I saved you from the war with Jotunheim, brought you here and raised you like my own child. Me and your mother, we love you with all our hearts.”

“You love me with what? With lies? Like I was born to be a king? Like I was one of the Asgardians? Why did you lie to me?!” Loki cried bitterly, and more tears fell down his face.

“I don't want you to feel different, or like an outsider. Oh Norns, what's the big deal? I did it all out of love! Now you heal Thor, can't you see he is innocent?”

“It's none of your concern,” Thor growled, still covering his wound with a hand, his back painfully bent, “Loki can do anything to me. And it's none of your concern.”

Loki went completely stiff at this. Thor was leaning to him, to his cold body. It made his red eyes darkened and wet with uncontrollable tears.

Odin could only grit his teeth. He looked at them incredulously, growling in frustration, “What are you? Thor? A sucker for your little brother? What's all this madness - have you lost your memory or sense?!”

“He's not, Loki's not my brother. If he's from Jotunheim then we're not related.” Thor said firmly, now starting to tremble in pain, “And you did lie to us, you've hurt him! You should apologize.”

Loki grabbed Thor's collar and pressed the dagger closer, “Shut up, shut up Thor.” He then turned to Odin, roaring desperately, “I don't want your fucking apology, I don't need your cheap words to heal my wound. Stop right there! One step closer and he's dead.”

“What do you want Loki?” Asked Odin.

“The truth.” Loki shouted, “Everything I should know about myself. Why did you take me? Did you kill my parents?”

“I took you because you were dying, Loki, I couldn't leave you like that. You're Laufey's son, and I didn't kill your parents.”

Loki felt his knees suddenly went so weak that he could barely stand.

“He abandoned me, didn't he?”

“I don't know, Loki, maybe he had no choice.”

He was a monster. And more than that, an abandoned monster.

Loki managed a wry laugh, didn't realize he was unconsciously leaning to Thor's warm, bleeding body. “I see. Just one last request, just…” He chocked up, “Can you get me back to the Asgardian form? I don't want to…” His roar turned to murmur now, as if something had drained his courage and fury.

“I can, Loki, I can. Don't be like this.” With a wave of Odin's hand the blue color on Loki's body disappeared. He clutched Thor tightly, and they vanished together without another word.

 

 

He healed Thor's wound the moment they were out of Odin's sight. His magic sent Thor back to his own chamber, and when Thor managed to open his eyes, Loki was gone.

But Loki had little choice to go anywhere actually. He locked himself in his own room. Where else could he hide?

So he was adopted. So he and Thor were not related.

It should ease his guilt at least a little thinking about the things they had done, the impulse he had felt. But it didn't. Because he was too tired to think of anything. The anguish of deceit and humiliation gnawed at his heart, and he dropped on his knees, fell to the ground covering his aching heart in pain.

Hadn't he been acting like a joke? He was a joke, wasn't he? Well did Thor know this if he still had all his memory?

Living in lies, living happily in lies…

Loki didn't notice that his magic was out of control, and knocked his desk over. His face was buried in his hands, and he dared not move, afraid his heart would literally burst out.

Someone was knocking at his window. Thor, of course it was Thor. Loki looked up, and he saw Thor's face, kind of pale with loss of blood. Then a voice started ringing loudly in his mind.

You did this. You caused him such pain.

“Loki,” Knocked, “Love, please let me in.” Knocked again.

Loki bit his lips hard, glaring at Thor through tears and glass before standing up and opening the window, with his hands but not his magic. Thor struggled to move forward holding the frame while Loki put his arms around him, and then they stumbled, bodies clashed together as Loki's back pressed against the bed.

“I'm alright, I'm good love,” Whispered Thor hurriedly, cupped Loki's face eagerly. He tried to kiss, but Loki turned away. Thor rested his chin on Loki's shoulder instead, breathing heavily. “I love you.”

Loki pushed that board chest away with all his strength, but Thor held him so tight. He closed his eyes, his voice cracked. “I'm a frost giant. A monster Thor, I'm a monster.”

“No! You're not. I don't understand it at all, you're so beautiful, breathtakingly gorgeous in blue,” Said Thor. He looked at Loki sincerely, and he could tell that his words had stunned him.

“Please believe me. I will never lie to you.” Thor pulled him in his arms, and Loki slammed his hands hard.

“You hated frost giants.”

“I don't hate them Loki. I've never said a word like that.” Gently, he stroked Loki's face, caressed the soft skin with his fingers. “I feel ashamed if my old self had ever said any arrogant shit or belittled you before. But I love you in that form, so much Loki.” As Loki looked up almost in horror, he pressed their foreheads together, mixing their breath.

“And I… can't help feeling lucky and happy for the fact that we're not related. I know it the first time I saw you.” He whispered against Loki's nose and licked him tentatively, softly. Loki shivered slightly, then tilted his head and stared at him, didn't protest.

“I knew this was right.” Thor lifted Loki's chin and rubbed his nose, making Loki gasp.

“You selfish bastard.” Growled Loki, slowly at first, “Have you ever considered my feelings for once? My own father abandoned me in war, and Odin raised me with sweet lies. Do you want to hear all the stories about things you had said and done? And now you come here, to claim you love me? You're indeed like your father Thor!” He spoke, his hoarse voice turned to a roar, and he stared hard at Thor who was at a loss, tears streaming down. He broke hard when Thor tried to seize his wrist, a dagger appeared in his hand even before he realized.

Thor caught his wrist and pulled him closer desperately, “Stab me,” Said he, breathlessly, “Anything, angel, do me.”

Loki struggled in fright and drew back his hand harshly, “Get out!” He screamed, “Get out! I hate you! Get out!”

Thor hugged him tighter, his cheek pressed to Loki's neck. “No.” He breathed, hot against Loki's skin.

“Fuck! Leave me alone.”

“No.” Thor whispered, “I can't.”

Loki cried. Lost control and broke down. He cried almost silently but his shoulders shuffled and trembled, and Thor hugged him, gently stroked his hair.

“Angel.” He murmured against Loki's ear. “I don't care about Odin. Or anyone. No one else exists. All I see is you.”

And then he gently nibbled Loki's earlobe, making the small body shiver all over. “S-stop calling me that.”

“No.” Thor smiled, and he knew Loki could feel the curve of his lips. “You are my angel, my beloved angel, Loki…”

Loki turned his head in tears. Thor kissed him. Their tongues clashed together as he stroked Loki's cheek gently, moaning from his throat.

“I'm enamored with you…” His sigh slowly turned into a whimper as Loki writhed in his arms, his hips rubbed against Thor's growing erection. Thor lifted him sideways, onto the soft bed and pressed him down hard with his huge body. Loki groaned eagerly, wrapped his arms around Thor's neck to kiss him deeply, pushing his tongue in roughly to taste. His hips bucked up, arching to his lover. “I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry…” He cried, “I hurt you.”

“Shh… You could never hurt me.” Thor looked deeply into those green eyes, caressing Loki's raven hair. He reached down and groped, undressing them clumsily, lowered his head to mouth Loki's neck, his elevated breath sounding loudly in Loki's ear.

“Thor…” Whispered Loki, “Don't go, please.”

“Never.” Thor's hand traveled down to Loki's chest, rubbing, finding his hardened nipples and gently pulled with his fingertips. “You're beautiful in everything my heart. I know how you feel and I'll never force you but… Just need to let you know. Blue makes you more beautiful.”

Loki arched into Thor's lips, which was now wrapped around his nipple and sucked him fervently. “Agh… I'm glad, too,” He gasped in pleasure, “That we're not really brothers.” Thor smiled happily at that, and Loki pulled him up into a passionate kiss, moaning at the friction their naked bodies made. Thor's cock pressed against his entrance, pulsating. He had not been able to see clearly in the dark but now… Thor was really big. And it scared him. He had never slept with a man and the possible pain made him shudder even more.

“Angel, don't think too much, ” Thor kissed down his chest, his heart beating heavily within his ribs. “I won't hurt you. And we don't need to rush… It's already too much tonight, I just want to love you.” His breath was now sprayed on Loki's cock, and he kissed at the head, his pink tongue darted out and swirled around it. 

“Agh! More…”

Thor licked a bead of pre-come clean out of Loki's slit, causing his hips to snap upwards. Loki kept his eyes wide open and fixed on Thor, his hand clawed into that blonde hair as he cried out.

“I love you…” Loki heard himself whimpered, a blush starting on his cheeks. Thor sucked him earnestly, licked his balls up to the head, swallowed hard. He took Loki all the way in, until his nose was buried in his curly pubic hair.

“Ohh Thor… Please… milk me like that.” He was so close, and Thor looked up to locked their eyes, his heart thumping. His fingers tightened on Thor's hair, his hips bucked, thrusting deep in Thor's warm mouth. “Please, please, I love you.” And he spilled, whining Thor's name, gripping around Thor's neck and pushed himself down Thor's throat. He watched Thor swallowed all his seed and licked his lips, keeping him in his mouth until he licked the last drop clean, panting and a little madly.

He pulled Thor up roughly and clashed their lips, kissing him with all his passion. “Did you hear me?”

Thor smiled, “Maybe?”

Loki wished he could control the blush that crept up his face. “I want to… want to taste you too.”

Thor smiled at him indulgently, “Okay.”

Loki pushed him down and kissed his chest, blinking a few times at Thor's proud erection. He felt his mouth went dry and couldn't help licking his lips. Thor's hand rested on his hair gently, and he tentatively licked on the leaking head, then wrapped his lips around it. The salty taste sent shivers down his spine.

“Y…yes. Oh, angel…”

His words, the way he moaned made Loki's cock stir with interest again. Thor's voice, hoarse with arousal, and he sped up, using his tongue to caress him.

Thor gulped, moving wantonly into his mouth. "Oh Loki… yes… please… don't stop."

“You're divine,” Thor cried out as his fingers tightened around Loki's neck.

“Let me… Mmm, see you come, Thor.” Loki looked up at his misty blue eyes. Thor started to tug his hand eagerly, entwined their fingers and pulled pleadingly at Loki's hand, begging him to continue.

“You take me so well… Loki,” He wheezed, hard, “I'm so close, I need - ” His balls tightened, and then he spilled down his lover's throat. He didn't let him go, watched him struggle to swallow, felt his throat work around his cock. "Yesss," Thor groaned. "So good, love… Oh god.”

Loki straightened up to capture Thor's lips, caressing his face and smiled when Thor blinked fondly at him. “Don't go anywhere.” He whispered, hoping he didn't sound too desperate.

Thor nodded and held Loki close, leaning for a kiss. He could clearly see how eagerly Loki received him.

“I can't live without you.”

He felt Loki's hand, gently, tenderly, reached to his belly, stroking the spot where he had been wounded and mended without a trace.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki cast a spell and looked into Thor's mind. He never expected to find something stunning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy.

They cuddled up in the large bed, with Thor slept heavily and snored softly, arms wrapped around Loki's slender waist and head rested on his shoulder. But Loki was still wide awake despite the lateness of the hours.

There was an ancient magic which Loki hardly had a chance to use. Through a little spell and body connection he could go deep into other's mind and spy on his primal desires. He glanced at Thor's peaceful sleeping face. Would it be considered as using? And since when did he start to care about taking advantage of others… Loki kept staring at him, brushing the golden hair with his fingertips, his eyelids fluttered softly at Thor's perfectly handsome face. He wanted to see… God, He wanted to see. Not out of distrust but simply curiosity. Okay. What if he could actually find the source of Thor's memory loss by looking into his mind?

Gently, Loki put his hand on Thor's neck and snuggled up closer, closing his eyes. There was no pause in Thor's breathing, and slowly, he got in Thor's mind. He could see the flood of new memories and thoughts coming, shifting past him and they were about him. Thor liked the little moan Loki made when he captured his lips by surprise, and the way Loki laughed and called him a fool. How could he even like that. And why was Loki not surprised.

He blinked and started realizing how powerful the magic was. Every bit of perception was transmitted to him and spread to his every nerve. He kept floating into the soft river of thought, drifting where every single idea in Thor's subconscious drizzled mildly. It was a placid dream, quiet and peaceful, and he could not yet see Thor, only a stream of limpid water, and a glorious gate. Asgard. Thor was dreaming about Asgard? Had he been thinking about Asgard all this time? Thor was rather good at protecting his mind, so Loki would have to disguise himself and dig deeper. Slowly he entered the gate, and found himself hovered around a puff of smoke. He felt Thor's confusion and anger as the smoke thickened, also he tasted lust, guiding him to the chamber in the end of the shiny gallery, where he saw himself, bent over the table, panting, and Thor entered him from behind. Taking him, claiming him, hard and fast.

Loki swallowed, realizing his heart was pounding, and his face flushed with heat. Inside Thor's head he was blue all over at that table… Thor grabbed his waist and thrust in, and he turned back eagerly for a kiss. Loki quickly left, blushing to his ears. He was kind of prepared but it was still so embarrassing and arousing. As he left, he was immediately surrounded by a dark fog, with someone shouting hoarsely at nowhere. Loki shuddered, because he recognized the voice and it was his brother. As the dream shattered Thor was beginning to wake up, he could sense it, but Loki was not satisfied for he had not yet gone into the most glorious hall. 

There was a sudden rush of familiar memories. They lay side by side on the lawn, their faces wet with sweat and mud. Had just finished fencing and they were resting together, laughing. Loki grinned happily at his brother.

As he kept walking Thor's cracked cry and the sound of men's fingers grasping the cage echoed in the air. That was the growl of breaking through. And yet… Yet there Thor was. Not in the cage but in the middle of the splendid palace holding Loki's hand, both dressed in finery in the grand wedding. The focus of the wedding -

Loki gasped, extricating himself before he could shout, causing a huge wave that woke them both up.

Thor's eyes flew opened, gasping and blinking at Loki's flushed face. “What happened? Did I hurt you?” He asked hastily.

“No, Thor - ” Loki groaned at the touch when Thor pressed their chests together, “You… caged yourself, why? Oh god, how long have you been struggling?”

“I don't want to remember, I can sense him and he's about to take my place, I can't let him - ” Thor rambled, “I don't want to go, I want to stay with you, I have to stay with you.”

“So you want to marry me to keep me within your reach?” Loki asked flatly.

Thor froze, his eyes widened with shock. Loki sighed, covering Thor's hand with his own, “I looked into your mind. With my magic. I was simply curious.”

“It's okay.” Thor stirred and cupped Loki's cheeks, leaving a gentle kiss on his lips. “I don't mind. I want to show you. It's just… I should propose to you formally. And I will.”

Loki leaned in to kiss him deeply, his hands groped on Thor's bare chest, moaning softly. “Take it slow, remember?” And Thor nodded eagerly, their legs entwined as the blonde pulled him into a passionate kiss, their erections rubbed. “You didn't answer,” Loki breathed heavily between kisses, “How long have you been struggling?”

“Since we got here, I think.” Thor was hovering over him now, gazing into his green eyes deeply. “Some fragmentary memories that didn't belong to me started flooding into my mind. I don't… I don't want to talk about it right now.”

“But we will talk about it.”

“Okay.”

Loki nodded slightly, closing his eyes for a second and then opened them again with a awkward chuckle. “You really like me in blue?” And Thor's eyes glow with excitement, “Yes, how did you know?”

“Oh um… your mind told me. Well I can try but I don't make any promises. I don't know how to control it yet.” And he tried to relax thoroughly, leaning into the warmth of Thor's body and let the physical feeling guide him. He wondered if he needed any magic words, but Thor's elated expression told him he had already succeeded. Tentatively, Loki looked at his arms which was slowly turning to full blue, “Oh god… I did it? I think I know how - Oh god, I feel cold…”

“Let me warm you up.” Thor pressed their crotches eagerly. “You're beautiful.”

“Wait Thor,” Loki gasped, frowning at his own body, “It feels strange, I feel… It's not right!” He flushed as a rush of crisp excitement ran down his lower body and he felt moist and wet, parting his legs slightly. “What's wrong with me? I don't…”

Thor blinked at his beautiful long legs, staring like he was lost. “Oh my… You're,” Thor looked up incredulously, “You have both genders, Loki… Did you know?”

Loki touched the nub and the delicate opening between his legs that he had never known existed with a tremble hand. He was too shocked to manage a single word, and Thor's mumbling became too indistinct. “Could it also be a magic cover-up? So you never felt it either - ”

“No, no no no…” Loki sobbed desperately, covering his lower body with his small blanket and cried, “Odin knew I was a monster. He… he must felt disgusted and shamed. Yet he still needed to take me…”

Thor pulled him into a hug but Loki struggled hard to break free. “He didn't even want me to know! Fuck, it's so fucking disgusting… I can't - God, Thor, don't touch me, don't fucking touch me.”

“Loki you're not disgusting! Listen to me,” Thor tried, but was cut off harshly. Loki pushed him aside and turned away coldly.

“Of course you don't understand. But I'm past that stage now.” He eyed Thor's sweaty forehead and smiled inscrutably. “I'm disgusted, not by myself but by the fact that he really has been hiding my identity like hiding a dirty little secret.”

Thor looked at him with anxious eyes, almost helplessly. To him Loki had always been an eloquent man who left him speechless. Hugs and comforts did little help and the night was too long. Loki didn't ask him to leave. But he didn't speak again either. He seemed too tired to do anything.

 

 

The next morning Loki woke up in the sun that shining in his room. He rubbed his eyes and groped the side, but the familiar warm body was gone, only a faint afterglow.

“Thor?” He mumbled, and there was no reply.

Loki got up quickly and wrapped himself in a long robe, looking at his reflection in the mirror. This should be the first time he did so, and every bit of blue skin under the rough strips looked dark in the shiny sun. He was antipathetic in this place indeed. But since he was still surrounded by warmth which brought comfortable sensation, he was in no hurry to turn back. After all, it was no fun trying to cover up an open secret.

He walked, slowly and almost proudly, through each corridor until he came to the palace. He received many silent questioning eyes along the way and he chuckled to himself. It felt novel and that wasn't bad.

“Let me in.” He said to the guard.

“I'm, I'm sorry,” Poor man was shivering at Loki's red eyes, “You… Oh god, you're…”

“Your prince.” Loki smiled to him.

He bet the words frost giant were already on the tip of the man's tongue. But he did manage to swallow it, shaking his head and breathing in heavily to calm down. Loki just grinned.

“The king is speaking to your brother now, and he didn't want anyone in.”

“Is that so?” Loki frowned, “Are they fighting? Or did I hear it wrong?”

As the guard lost his words the door was thrown open and Thor walked out with a sullen face. He saw Loki and he looked surprised. Loki wasn't sure whether Thor was surprised to see him all blue or simply surprised to see him.

“Loki,” Said Thor.

“Shh. I don't care what you two were talking about. I have words to the king.” He said to Thor shortly, “And I think he would like to speak to me as well.”

He pushed the door open, and met Odin's sharp gaze.

“Loki, I wonder how did you bewitch him.” The Allfather looked at him, and Loki could hear Odin's unsteady breath, as if he had just experienced a violent quarrel.

“Thor came to me at daybreak and accused me of being selfish.” Odin continued, “And he said he wanted to marry you.”

Loki's eyes widened.

“What did you do to him? Where are my boys? The thing he said - Marrying his brother who grew up and played with him, how in the nine could he even say it out loud?”

Loki bit back a laugh. “That's interesting. But I did nothing but try to help him.”

“Help him? Norns, he was mad thanks to you, Loki!”

“I looked into his mind, and I did want to help.”

Odin seemed to have no strength left to argue anymore, or he didn't believe a word of what Loki said. He sighed, “He had never been so determined. And I told him he could. He could be satisfied and marry you. I can even arrange the most gorgeous wedding personally.”

Loki's eyebrows rose doubtfully.

“But there's one condition.” Said Odin, “You have to help him remember everything. And if his memory comes back and he still insists on marrying his brother, then so be it.”

“Wow.” Said Loki, genuinely surprised. This conversation upset all the words he had thought of the night before, leaving his mind blank for a moment. He blinked at Odin's sullen face and stayed quiet for a long while before finally smiling.

“We will think about it.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They spent many days in the library, trying to work out their current problems. And it was wonderful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's much of intimacy in this chapter and it's not safe for work. Enjoy

The library became Loki's favorite haunt. He spent his afternoons in it, sitting on the wood floor with his long legs stretched out, leaning against the bookshelf to read every book about Jotunheim. And Thor ordered the guards to close off the library to everyone except them. He sat next to Loki, reading books that Loki had read, and books about healing amnesia, but never read long. Always just turning a few pages before putting them down with a sigh.

They hadn't talked formally. Loki did relay Odin's words to him, but that was all. Neither of them mentioned it later. To Thor such an important matter was not something he could talk about in this state of mind so casually. Also, swallowing what they truly wanted to say seemed to be a custom of their family. Thor didn't like it and he knew Loki didn't either. But he could understand. For they had fresh wounds in their hearts and needed quietness and time to heal.

That was what he thought before Loki leaned on him. Loki's cold blue skin clung to Thor's warm undulating chest, his breath soft against Thor's chin. Immediately Thor's arms were on Loki's waist from behind, with fast breathing his lips pressed to Loki's neck, kissing him earnestly. “Angel,” Said he, devoutly, his heart thumping in his chest. “Are you feeling better now babe? God, I hate fighting.” He whispered.

“You fool, when did we have a fight? I was learning, not depressed.” Loki smiled, knowing Thor would enjoy it, “Influenced by your silly idea I had a bit of a crush on my present form.” He stretched his neck like a cat when Thor licked him, leaving wet kisses. “But it's true that I'm still shocked by the way my body was structured.” He closed the book on his lap, turning his face to kiss Thor. They swallowed each other's moan and breath, Loki could feel Thor's warmth everywhere. “Did you remember anything?” He whispered, almost too afraid to look at Thor in the eye, and Thor just quickly shook his head. “Sometimes I was confused but nothing came to my mind.”

It had to be asked, only a matter of time. But just listening to Thor's deep voice, Loki knew he had never felt so relieved.

He smiled again, sucking in Thor's bottom lip and licked him sweetly. “Mmm. I like it.”

“How much?”

Loki wrapped his arms around Thor's neck, pressing their bodies together to let him feel his strong heartbeat.

“I love you.” Murmured Thor, his moist eyes looking into Loki's red ones earnestly, “Let's get out of here and go somewhere else, I want to be with you forever, and I want to - ”

“Shhh.” Loki gently put a finger to Thor's lips. “Don't worry, Thor. We're in no hurry. Do you want a nominally marriage that hardly proves a thing? Leaving without anyone's blessing?” Said Loki, couldn't believe how patient and gentle he was. “I've been thinking. About us.” He rubbed their noses, nudging him. They were both hard. Loki made a little groan as Thor sucked at the sensitive spot in the crook of his neck.

Thor murmured against his neck, holding him so tight as if wanting to melt Loki into his arms. “Don't let me go please.”

“Not planning to.” Loki pulled him up and pressed their lips together, Thor's large hand groped on Loki's stomach, reaching to his crotch, ponderously and expectantly, sending shivers up his spine. Crimson rose on Loki's cheeks, his trousers were unzipped, and the warm touch of Thor's hand covered his erection, pulling out a moan from the back of his throat.

“Thor… Mmmm.”

“Oh… angel.”

He shuddered in the deep purr, feeling Thor's erection pressed against his hip hot and hard.

“It's so weird I… I can get wet now.” He mumbled with a blush.

“Have you been learning about these things?” Thor laughed gently, “I thought it was about revenge or something. God you're so adorable. Oh I can feel it… Loki,” He couldn't help smiling, rubbing the wet patch and touching the bulge between Loki's thighs. He just realized Loki was blushing so much, and his smile deepened, pressing their bodies together and his blond hair fell over their shoulders.

“Can you shut up? That's not the only thing I learned!” Loki squirmed in Thor's arms. “I've been studying Jotun's cycle. You oaf, do you know how complicated it was? And the - cycles of being able to conceive are very different.”

His words amazed Thor, who opened his eyes wide, his fingers caressing Loki's clothed cock, causing it pulsated under the hot touch. “Oh… I don't even know what to say, Loki… What phase of the cycle are you in now? I don't want to hurt you, oh,” His words turned to a groan when Loki writhed in his arms, moving his hips for more friction. He then shifted and straddled Thor's lap, pushing his back onto the bookshelf, eagerly taking their clothes off, and Thor helped him.

“I'm not at the stage of being able to conceive a child, oh… Ohh Thor…” Loki whined as he was pushed back to the floor, gently but firmly, Thor hovered over him, kissing down his bare chest. Loki moaned out, arching into Thor's lips, which had wrapped around his nipple and sucked him fervently. Thor's large hand reached down to stroke his cock, his thumb brushing over the slit, collecting beads of precome and rubbing him in a circular motion.

“Ah… Fuck, Thor…” His cock jumped in Thor's hand, and his female parts wet and slick.

Thor kissed his stomach, and down, and he let out a chocked moan when Thor's hot tongue touched on his clitoris. Thor was lavishing him with his lips and tongue, caressing the sensitive patches of skin.

“Ohhh… Please… Thor! Yes…”

It felt so new and amazing. Loud moan kept slipping out of his mouth, and his eyes were a blur, seeing stars above him. He stroked his hard cock, throwing his head back panting desperately.

“Touch yourself, right Loki, let me see you…”

Thor held Loki's hips down to lick him more easily, smiling silently when Loki groaning and panting. Thor's tongue thrust in and out of his vagina, the wet sound reverberated in the air.

“Oh, Thor, goooood… Ohhh… Please faster!” He grasped Thor's hair eagerly to meet his tongue, his hand moving at the same speed. He jerked his hips, “Don't stop, don't stoooppp, Thoooor…”

And then he came hard with a cry, spilling from both sexes, panting and whining breathlessly, “Oh god, Thor, ah…”

It was so damn erotic, so full of love.

Thor licked his fingers, looking up at Loki with a grin. He felt his vagina constricting violently, wet and longing, and Thor kissed him hard, sweet taste sprayed on their tongues. Loki tried to keep his eyes open on Thor, shuddering and writhing through his orgasm, whining again and again, “I… oh… love you, Thor… I love you.”

“Love you more.” Thor kissed him deeply, his erection pressed against Loki's vagina, and Loki felt how hard he was. “May I, my angel?”

His heartbeat was still racing, “Yes, oh…please…” Swallowing hard, Loki threw his arms around Thor's neck and kissed his earlobe, whispering, “You'll be my first, you know that right?”

“Yes. And I want to be your last.” Thor cupped Loki's face in his large hands, looking into those red eyes deeply, his erection throbbed, and he guided himself, pressing in slowly. He picked Loki up and sat him across his lap, his thick cock sunk completely into Loki, and Loki cried out, throwing his head back and his fingers tightened on Thor's back.

“Oh my god, Lokiii… You're so tight… fuck,”

Loki was panting like a mess, he could feel his balls tighten, and his cock twitch, already hard again. Thor thrust up in a moderate rhythm, controlling himself not to hurt Loki. His cock stroked the warm inner walls, setting Loki off all his desires in a slow pace.

“Beautiful, you're absolutely beautiful. I love you, oh…I love you angel…”

Loki buried his face in the crook of Thor's neck, holding onto Thor's shoulders and sank himself deeper, crying out in pleasure with Thor's name on his lips. Thor was being gentle, and he felt so warm and safe, surrounded by the strong scent. Yet it was not enough…

“Harder… harder ughhh…”

“I want you… Thooor!”

Thor grabbed him by the waist and thrust up hard and fast, and he breathed wildly, shifting to tongue Loki's clavicle, kissing wetly on it, sucking a dark mark.

“So good, fuck, Loki, oh… Mmmm…”

Loki cupped Thor's face and kissed him, using his magic to get into Thor's mind once again. He was immediately wrapped up in strong feelings and lust, Thor's heartbeat sounding loudly in his ears. So strong yet there was chaos, desperation and fear, Thor was scared, too afraid that Loki would go, too afraid the old memory would come back and he would be torn away from him.

Loki hugged him tighter, sending comforting thoughts and tenderness to him, whispering silently with their foreheads touched. Don't be afraid, I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere.

I love you, and you're going to be alright.

“Oh, Thor…” He sighed, wrapping his legs around his waist and they moved as one. Thor embraced the feeling of Loki, closing his eyes for a moment before opening them again, full of love and gratitude.

Loki arched up, slamming himself down on Thor's cock, his vagina wet and hot, he felt like burning with pleasure. His own cock was trapped between their stomachs, throbbing and leaking, and he desperately stroked himself, only to be grabbed hard by the wrist and thrust harder, hitting on the sweet spot that made him see stars.

“Ohh… Thor… Please, please…” He sobbed, crying tears as he came again, hot seed streaming in their hands. Thor felt Loki tighten around him in his orgasm, and the pleasure rippled through him like a warm wave, sending him over the edge in one final thrust. He spilled deep inside Loki, gripping hard on Loki's hip.

Loki was still sobbing, completely overwhelmed. He breathed hard, his face flushed and wet. Thor's mind was churning hot waves, endless love that flooded him, crushed him and he let go of their mental connection, murmuring, “Kiss me…”

And Thor did just that.

 

 

Loki took Thor to the coast to see the most beautiful sunset on Asgard. As the bright red sun began to sink into the sea, Thor took Loki's hand to his lips and kissed his fingers.

Loki turned to looked at him, tenderness floating in his eyes. They kissed sweetly and slowly, eyes sparkling on each other's.

The sun was completely swallowed by the sea, leaving only a golden gleam on the sea.

“You're so incredibly beautiful, my angel,” Thor pulled him closer to his chest, caressing his face.

Loki purred with satisfaction, kissing Thor with passion. “You're not bad yourself.”

From the castle came the regular music of the day, and this time it was an ancient song which hadn't been played for a month.

“I like that song,” Said Thor, smiling, “It's inspiring. Hmm. They should play it more often.”

And Loki froze, looking at Thor who was frowning slightly at his reaction.

“What's wrong, Loki?”

He paused for a long time and said, “That is my brother's favorite song.”

Seeing Thor's expression froze in shock Loki hugged him tightly, cupping his face and kissed him with all his tenderness. “Thor, Thor, it's not all grim. Thor, look at me,”

And Thor did, with moist eyes, his lips trembled. “I can't like the same song as he did, I can't, Loki - ”

“Oh, Thor… Don't, don't be scared.” Loki held him in his arms, whispering against his lips, “Your mind was full of anxiety, it's not good Thor, listen to me, you shouldn't let fear torture you like that.” He kissed him, stroking his back, “Do you understand? No one can carry on in that state of mind, not even you.”

Thor nodded like a little kid, holding Loki's hand and guide it to his heart.

“I can't leave you, I love you so much - ”

“And I love you too.” Loki hushed him with a sweet kiss. “I'm here and that's what matters. Don't fight with your mind. Stop hurting yourself. For me, Thor, I need you to understand fully that I'm so in love with you and I will never leave you. You're mine.”

Thor shivered in Loki's arms, pressing their chests together.

“I know, angel.” He whispered.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They spent the afternoon by the lake, talking about their plans for traveling. Never realized that it was the last good day. Before the storm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You do know that Thor would recall everything someday, right.

The longer they stayed in familiar places, the more uneasy Thor became. More than that, Odin just kept urging them.

“What's your answer Loki? Do you agree to help restore his memory or not?” Asked Odin.

“I don't even know how. I'm not a healer.”

“But you can get into Thor's mind and you're the only person he trusts.”

“That's not therapy. And Thor didn't want therapy at all.”

Beside him Thor nodded slowly but firmly. “I'm a man with my own memories and life. What so hard to understand?”

“You reject my offer?” Odin asked incredulously.

“Yes.” Said Thor.

“You're impossible.” Odin hissed. “If he can't, your Midgardian girlfriend probably can. You used to be with her didn't you? I'll just get her here and then we discuss the rest.”

“Who are you talking about?” For a moment Thor was genuinely confused but then he knew, and he shook his head angrily, “No way. Jane has her own life.” Thor yelled, “She's just a friend who has nothing to do with this. You can't ruin her life.”

“Look how noble you are.” Said Odin, with irony, “But I'm not that noble. Get prepared. She will be here in a minute.”

“No!” Thor shouted. He and Loki looked at each other. “I'll try.” Said Loki, turning serious this time, “I'll see what I can do. Don't let that woman come.”

“Good. So you're not completely hopeless.” Odin muttered. “Heimdall will keep me informed of your progress and actions. Don't even think about running away. And remember,” He turned to Thor who was frowning deeply, “When we succeed, you have a chance to regain all your power and Mjolnir.”

 

 

“He's desperate.” Back in his chamber Loki said, turning to Thor with a tiny smile, “I truly don't know how to cure amnesia. Even if I know, I won't do it, obviously.”

“I know you won't.” Thor sighed, hugging Loki from behind. “I just hate him. I want nothing he offered.”

Loki laughed, covering Thor's hand with his own. “Heimdall will not give him the right information anyway.”

Thor just hugged him tightly, his hot breath sprayed down on Loki's neck.

“Hey… Thor.” Loki turned to kiss him, and he snorted softly when Thor's large hand gently lifted his chin. “Mm. Let's not think about him.”

“Right. Let's do something Thor Odinson has never done.”

“Aw. That's a lot of things.” Loki laughed.

“Tell me.”

“Let's see, he can't dance, and he refused to learn.”

“Oh.”

“He doesn't like swim, he doesn't even like water. Nor does he enjoy the beauty of hiking. You know the hammer that Odin talked about? He'd just swing it and fly away like an idiot.” Loki's eyelashes flapped, as if caught in a memory.

Thor looked at Loki's face and lost his tongue for a moment. Loki blinked, “What?”

“Have you invited him to go swimming or hiking?” Thor asked carefully. “And he just said no?”

“Of course I haven't! I just knew he would never say yes.” Loki shouted back, blushing slightly.

“Okay, okay.” Thor smiled, pushing him against the wall and shortened their distance with a kiss. “But I want to do all those things with you. Take me to the lake please.”

And Loki did, behind the quiet garden they sat on the rock in the warm sunshine. They untied each other's clothes, Thor kissed Loki slowly, stroked his gently heaving chest and brushed against the dark blue streaks. It seemed sensitive there, Loki's breathing became short and shallow.

Before Thor could tease him Loki shoved Thor into the water and made a splash. He then was pulled in as well, and it was warm and shallow, he found himself wrapped in a strong body immediately. Thor's wet lips pressed on his ear, whispering sweet words.

“I just don't understand why anyone would not want to be here with you.” Thor's fingers groped on Loki's slick body, “You're a work of art.”

“You just mean I'm naked.” Loki slinked into the water and waded deeper, keeping most of his body under, trying to get away from Thor's hands, but not really trying anyway.

“That too.” Thor purred against his ear, nudging him with his half hard member. Loki gasped and blushed, but didn't protest. It became a bit cooler as it got deeper, contrasted wonderfully with the warm light. Thor never let go of Loki's hand.

Loki looked too beautiful. His black hair draped like silk around his shoulders, his red eyes deep but soft.

“You like hiking?” The blonde asked curiously.

“I do. I also like driving if I steal a car.” Loki grinned.

Thor laughed, giving Loki's hand a gentle squeeze. They walked slowly until they rose out of the water as he continued, “It's hard to believe. Because your magic can take you anywhere in a flash.”

Loki's eyes narrowed momentarily. “That's because it's boring to travel alone. And it's even more boring to have a dull companion.”

It could be a good thing to show Thor the loneliness that had accompanied him all the time. This Thor was his lover. And perhaps he could put an end to that loneliness, perhaps. Loki could sense it.

The blonde didn't say anything, in the shallow water he pushed Loki down and knelt beside him, mild water soaked his legs and hips. This was the first time Loki was really looking at his lover, bathed in sunlight in all his glory. His gaze dropped lower, down the hair that trailed to his erection. Loki swallowed and pulled him closer, didn't stop Thor when his legs were spread.

“Loki angel, I want to be with you forever. Do everything with you.” Thor grunted, making Loki moan out and shudder as their cocks touched. “I have to let you know, angel, I love you. Ah…”

He groaned loudly as Loki's tongue touched his Adam's apple, sucking him gently and sweetly. Loki pressed on him and started licking his rough skin, down his bare chest, his tongue lingered on Thor's hard nipple.

“Stay with me then.” Loki murmured, “You pulled me down this road and I can't turn back now. And you,” He nibbled Thor's perky nipple, caused Thor's heart to skip a beat, “Won't get to escape so easily either.”

“I… Ohh… Loki,” He lost track of the conversation when Loki's lips wrapped around his hard cock, kissing at the head. He could feel Loki's grin, before that pink tongue darted out and swirled around him. Thor cried out, bucking his hips violently to thrust into Loki's mouth, and Loki took him, sucked him fervently. The blonde let out a choked moan, his eyes falling closed in pleasure, his hand clawed into Loki's damp hair.

“Oh… Loki, babe… I want to kiss you, I need - ”

Immediately another Loki appeared and was pressed on him, kissing him eagerly, pushing that hot skillful tongue into Thor's mouth. The little mouth on his cock was not gone. And Thor lost all ability to think. Oh… That was magic. Loki was still between his legs and sucking him sweetly, but he made this happen all at once.

“Mmmm… Angel… Ohhhh god you're killing me…” He cried.

Loki's eyes were misty with feelings, locking with Thor's as their tongues clashed and their lips rubbed. He was licking Thor's head and swallowing the pre-come, sucking the head until Thor's knees buckled.

“God… Lokiii… If you keep milking me like this I won't last,” Thor said breathlessly, his thigh wet in the shallow water, brushing against Loki's face.

Loki licked his lips in satisfaction, one of his figures disappeared, and he straightened up to straddle Thor's lap, letting Thor feel how wet and ready he was.

“Need you, I need you… Ohhh Thor…” He screamed when Thor entered him roughly, bucking his hips with no mercy. He was filled so well and Thor kept thrusting on that sweet spot that made him scream. He couldn't help the cry that ripped from his lips, tears rolling down violently. It felt so, so good, and he wrapped his legs around Thor’s wet hips to pull him closer, riding him and urging Thor to take him harder.

“Fuck… fuck, you feel so good babe…” Thor cried, kissing his neck, sucking bruises and leaving marks.

“Thor! please harder… Oh…” Loki begged.

The rock scraped his skin as he arched up, gasping at the way he was filled and loved. His own cock was hard between them, but he had no strength to touch it, only grasping Thor's back to keep himself from falling apart.

“I'm coming,” Loki cried, shaking from the waves of orgasm. Thor's thrust was violent, and he felt Loki tighten around him, squeezing him deeper and deeper. He whimpered and spilled in that sweet warm body. Loki stopped his rocking and felt hot seed pump up into him, filling him up.

“Oh… You're amazing…” Thor breathed wildly, couldn't help smiling. “Did we just… do it in the open air?”

“We did.” Loki snuggled up to him, too tired to move. “You can… Mm. You can travel with me. I have a hunch that you'll be an interesting partner.” He grinned and Thor smiled widely.

“Where do you think we should go first?”

“Anywhere except Jotunheim. I will never go there.”

“Oh okay. Earth again probably?” Thor smiled and hugged him tighter. “Let's go pack up first.”

Loki nodded, and they dressed, walking down the quiet path again.

“Thor,” Loki said suddenly.

“Yes?”

Loki had a soft smile on his lips, taking Thor's hand almost shyly. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out.

Thor didn't ask again, just taking Loki's hand to his lips and kissed his fingers gently.

 

 

Before they were back to Loki's chamber, the gatekeeper stopped them, shooting them incredulous look.

“Well.” Heimdall coughed, “I regret so much that I took a look. But surely I won't tell the king. I just want to ask…”

Loki blushed and Thor blinked.

“Well. Are you planning to run away? Because that's not wise.” Said Heimdall.

“Oh, no.” Thor smiled briefly. “Thank you for not watching all the time. And we are not, planning to run away. We just want to take a trip.”

“I see.” Heimdall nodded. “To where? Earth? Because Jane surely wouldn't want to see you together.”

Thor laughed this time, and so did Loki. “Thank you for your concern. But we haven't decided the destination yet.” Said Thor, smiling. “Seriously mate, don't you think the special ability of yours is… kind of creepy?”

“I know it is. For a long time.” Said the gatekeeper. “Be safe.”

“Thanks.” Loki muttered and hurried away with Thor.

They went in and Loki turned back to the Asgardian form, taking Thor to the bathroom.

“Shave me.” Loki sighed against Thor's lips, rubbing their chins to let him feel the tingling of stubble.

“My pleasure.” Thor murmured with his deep voice, rubbing their noses. He put shaving cream on Loki's chin, white foam on the corner of his mouth. Loki squinted and smiled, his green eyes like water.

Thor was starting to love water.

He then picked up the razor, carefully supported Loki's chin and cupped his cheek, gently scraped off the foam with just the right amount of force.

Loki fixed his eyes on Thor's hands and purred contentedly. “You're good at this.”

Thor smiled widely and looked up, their eyes met, and Loki heard clearly that his heart had just skipped a beat.

They looked into the big mirror, and Thor saw himself, smiling like an idiot in love. His gaze met his own blue eyes in the mirror, and he was suddenly a little dazed.

Loki sensed something was wrong. But he couldn't do anything. He didn't even wash his face, just standing there helplessly, watching Thor's eyelashes flickered rapidly. He looked dizzy but when he looked at Loki again, not in the mirror but turning back to meet those green eyes, his tone was only confused.

“Um…” Thor blinked a few times at the razor in his hand and then looked at Loki's face which still had the remnants of cream.

There was, a sudden explosion of memories in his brain, too much to handle in an instant. And he shuddered, lost the ability to think temporarily.

“Thor?” Loki whispered.

“Loki I… I don't understand. What are we doing?”


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor's memory came back. It was a heavy blow to both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy <3

In the dead silence Thor frowned, his brows knotted in pain. Then he looked up again and stared straight at Loki, his forehead sweaty.

Looking at Thor's confused face Loki couldn't help but pounce, holding Thor's face in his cold hands and shook him, eagerly making him look into his eyes.

“Thor,” Loki kept mumbling, his eyes red as if he was about to cry. “Talk to me, what came to your mind? Thor?”

He cupped Thor's face and got into his mind, but before he could feel anything Thor yanked his hand off with a rush.

“Don't! Give me a moment Loki, let go of me,” Thor grunted, “Oh god…”

The grip on his arm loosened, and Thor covered his heaving chest, breathing hard. The light flickered before his eyes and he was dizzy, like being plucked up violently out of the small room where he should be standing, and into an unreal world full of flowing memories.

The memories were crammed into small squares of one videotape, changing the image as the huge tape moved in front of him. Some was his own previous experience, and others were things _Thor_ had been through. He stood in the endless darkness, with nothing but the tingling of watching what he had done for the past six months. Everything was coming back. Tortured by SHIELD, being injected again and again, the solitary prison, and Loki.

What was that? The scream of fright, surrounded by strangers… Looking at Jane but not knowing her, listening to the past but not understanding a word. All those chilling fears were suddenly replaced by one low whisper.

Angel…

Hands on that slender waist, pulling him close desperately to touch his skin, kissing those sweet, soft lips, moving in the darkness as one… Those little moan that slipped from Loki's mouth… whispering love and promise.

Don't leave me, angel, I love you… I'm not the same person anymore. All I can think about is how good, how right it will be to kiss you…

I love you, give me a chance. I love you, you're no monster -

You're beautiful. You're gorgeous. You're mine.

I can't live without you…

The blue skin, the red eyes, their locked lips and hot bodies… Loki's silver tongue on his hard cock…

Oh, Norns.

In the library. By the lake. Naked in the warm water. The plan of traveling together… Loki's red sparkling eyes, and his, eager whimper, as Thor grabbed his waist to let him straddle and ride him.

Angel…

“Oh fuck.” Thor gasped, began to cough violently. How. How was it happen. And _why_ ?

Loki held his breath and waited. When Thor's cough finally ceased, he turned to Loki, his brows twisted.

“By the nine, brother… Why - why did you let that happen?”

“Did I have a choice?” Loki croaked.

“You did!” He felt his head was a mess, and words just slipped out of his mouth, “You had plenty of choices to stop this, I was, I forgot everything at that time and you could've… You could've prevented it! Why, brother? It should never have happened - ”

Loki's watery eyes were wide. He took a short breath, then suddenly covered his mouth, rushed to the sink and began to vomit violently. Thor rushed over to him, but he froze, almost wobbling. He saw blood full of the sink. Loki sounded miserable, like he was about to throw up his guts.

“Loki!” He could only stroke Loki's back until he finally stopped vomiting and the swaying ceased.

“W-what happened to you? Are you sick?”

Loki wiped his mouth with his sleeve, leaving blood on it. He stared at the pool of blood in the sink for a moment, and disappeared it in an instant with a wave of his hand. Then he stood up with a weak smile, which turned into a wry laugh as his green eyes squinted.

“You just literally broke my heart.” Loki wheezed weakly. “Do you know what it's like to have what belongs to you for one second and then nothing for the next?”

“Loki… I'm sorry, I - didn't know,” Thor held out his hand, but he was not sure what he should do.

“Hello to you too, brother.” Loki kept his faint smile on, but when Thor tried to move closer, he took a step back and shook his head. “No. Don't get any closer. You surprised me very brother, I had plenty of choices to stop it? How can you fucking say that to me? Oh! Of course you can because you're Thor fucking Odinson and you care about no one but yourself!”

Thor swallowed hard. Too many thoughts rushed into his mind at the same time, churning and choking his throat. Finally, he managed to speak, his voice cracked and tremble.

“We need to talk. Loki, brother, we have to fix this.”

“There's nothing to fix. Nothing can be fixed.” Said Loki, coldly, before he vanished in a green light.

Thor was left there shuddering with his fist clenched. He didn't see the tears in Loki's eyes.

 

 

“Heimdall!”

Thor called, anxiously searching for the watcher. And when he got to the gate, Heimdall was there, looking at him with big, sad eyes.

“Thor, I'm not sure whether I should be happy to see you back.”

“Norns, Heimdall. Where is my brother? Where is he?!”

Heimdall sighed and shook his head. “I can't help you now, you're angry and too confused, you're not yourself.”

“What why?! I am finally myself! Tell me where Loki is I - I need to talk to him. He just ran away like he always did, Norns, tell me!”

“He was deeply hurt. I can't let you hurt him any more.” Said Heimdall, slowly, he eyed the palace behind Thor. “Your father's men are on their way. They missed you very.”

“Fuck, fuck I don't care. I need to find Loki. Norns, is he OK? Is he safe?” Thor growled.

“He is.” Said the gatekeeper.

Thor breathed a sigh of relief.

“I have so much to say to him, so many questions. This is, such an important matter, like an explosion to me, and he just disappeared… Heimdall, he vomited blood. He looked pale… I didn't mean to hurt him, you have to know I never meant to hurt him! But it was so damn much and I couldn't take it. How am I supposed to take it?! I, I hadn't finished my words but he wouldn't even listen. That wasn't how it should be!”

Heimdall just looked at him sadly. There was a brief and thorough silence, after which Thor stopped shouting.

“I need to find him, please Heimdall, please.”

“The prince!”

Thor turned hurriedly, but before he could struggle he was taken away by four armed guards. He growled furiously, all in vain, and behind them Heimdall closed his eyes for a short moment before finally opening them again, filled with clear sadness.

It all merged into a sigh.

 

 

“Thor, my son.” Said Odin, almost too happily, “Where is your brother? I should thank him formally. One day! Just one day he cured you. It should have been done sooner. How are you feeling?”

Thor clenched his teeth.

Odin stepped down from the throne. Walking closer to Thor and seeing his stern expression, he frowned slightly.

“What's the matter Thor?”

“Father I don't know what to say. What do you expect me to say?” He croaked, “Things are just too different and I really, really have no energy to do this with you right now.”

“Do what?”

“This. All of this… The responsibility, the power, the chaos I caused… I know what you'll say but please, father, just give me some time.”

Odin sighed. “My son, you mistook my meaning entirely. All I want to do today is congratulate your finally coming back. You've… as you know, said something shocking. Memory loss was a terrible blow to you. And now we can finally get back on track.”

Thor frowned and looked at Odin with confused eyes.

“I shall let you regain the strength of lifting Mjolnir. And of course you will have time to think and settle the matter by yourself.”

 

 

Loki never meant to bump into a strong man this time he came to earth.

But it happened. And he was knocked down harshly, nearly lost his sight for a few seconds. That guy rushed over, mumbling apologies when he started to cough.

“Dear god. I'm so sorry.” Said the guy again, “Are you OK? The blood - ” He looked at Loki's blood-stained coat.

Loki sighed and waved his hand. “Cease your mutter. That's not your doing.”

“Can you stand up?” He held out a hand.

But Loki didn't take it. He stood up, looking at the tall nervous man in disgust. “Do I look like I can't even stand up on my own?”

“I'm sorry.”

Loki sighed again.

“Come with me, my home is nearby.” He offered sincerely, “And honestly you… you looked a lot like a friend my girlfriend once mentioned. I'm David… What's your name?”

“What? Damn. Who's your girlfriend? If it's Jane Foster I swear I will not come with…”

“You know her! Come with me!”

Loki was pulled away, and he didn't try very hard to protest.

 

The moment Jane saw Loki's face she swooped and seized his cold hands tightly.

“What happened to you?” She asked with a wail, anxiety filled her hazal eyes. She pulled them both into the house, and David went straight into his room judiciously.

Loki was very surprised.

Why would you care about me?

He swallowed the question. Instead he just let out a wry laugh, “Why did you tell your boyfriend that I was your friend?”

Jane closed the door and sat him down. “Because you are. I couldn't really say that then. I was a little cold to you, I know… I'm sorry for it. But I do like you.” She took in a deep breath and looked at his pale face seriously. “What happened Loki? Did Thor hurt you?”

Loki curled his lips. “I have a feeling you already know what happened. My brother is back.”

Jane went silent. She just looked at Loki's big green eyes, lost in thoughts, so Loki tried, “If you hadn't got yourself a man I would say congratulations.”

Jane shook her head with a sigh. “Don't. I know I was being silly. Actually I… I saw how you looked at each other. I knew then that it was never going to happen between me and him. But I just… God. And this… this is a completely different situation now.”

Loki blinked slowly, “Okay.”

“Why did you come here?”

“I didn't. Your boyfriend dragged me here.”

“I mean why did you leave Thor?”

Loki was stunned for a second. And then his eyelashes flickered. “The first thing he said to me was, why didn't you stop me.” Loki crouched on the sofa, holding his legs and trembling slightly. “What should I say? He was there six months ago with the same expression, begging me. He was like, if I didn't give him a chance he would die right there, so I gave him. But I… I didn't do it to let him tear everything apart, I didn't.”

Loki choked up, his eyes were misty. He took a long, deep breath and try to laugh, only managed a deep sigh. “Do you know Jane, one moment he was still there, my… my Thor. And then he was just… just gone. Why should I stand there listening to all those accusations? Why should… My brain is in a mess. It wasn't fair - I never asked for any of this but they torn me apart like it was all nothing.”

Jane pulled him into a hug, squeezing his back and never let go. Loki was whimpering. “It wasn't nothing. It was my everything.” He cried.

He was my everything.

Loki's arms, slowly wrapped around Jane's back , and he rested his chin on her shoulder, with gratitude.

“Loki, listen…”

“No, you listen.” He inhaled against her hair, letting go of her and sank back into the sofa. Tears fell down his face. “I was miserable, it's true but I haven't lost my sense. There were, so many things I know I simply couldn't fight. Our father - Oh. His, father, not mine, never considered me in his future plan. Those friends of Thor's, they never, never even looked at me seriously for once. I saw it all but I didn't take it, didn't think they were severe matters because I was thinking about him. I was a fool. I was so, so stupid… thought it was love, thought it wouldn't have gone.”

But it just seemed ironic now.

It was so easy to break his heart, isn't that ironic?

“It was love, Loki, it was love and it couldn't be gone. You need to listen to me,” Jane grabbed his arms firmly, looking into his eyes. “He loves you. He's just confused now.”

Loki bit his lips.

Jane hugged him again, tightly, stroking his soft hair with her small hand. Her gentle voice echoed in Loki's ear.

“Your Thor, or whatever you called, is still there. He's just too shocked, lost in so much memories and needs some time. What I want to say is, to me he was really just himself, trapped or not in memories, he - ”

Loki shook his head. “You don't understand. He was different.”

“No, Loki…” Jane took his hand. “If he found you attractive, it couldn't be an emotion created out of nothing. You saved his life, yes, but that was hardly a reason to love someone so dearly for so long.”

“When he told me he loved you, he was so solemn and serious. I can picture that he would be exactly the same to your friends, to everyone.”

“I know little about your father, or his father - Did something happen? It must be complicated but I don't think that matters. I saw how Thor looked at you, how tender and full of love. At that time you were the one who was confused, but there was no aversion or anger in your eyes, not even much resistance.”

“You were right to leave. He was a jerk to say things like that and hurt you. But you will need to see him, and talk to him again sooner or later. You know that, right?”

Loki fixed his eyes on her, unable to speak for a moment. Jane's hand was now gently covered on his, making him feel warm. “You said you gave him a chance to be a lover because he looked like he would die right there if you didn't.” She said, slowly, patting Loki's arm gently. “But Loki, you're not that kind of person. If, I mean if, the stories and legends about you are true, then you're a very wise and intelligent man, and only out of love can you truly compromise. You know it.”

“Jane,” Said Loki, with a deep sigh, “Thank you.” He whispered, “But it's too much for me now. I don't think I can take any more.”

He stood up, keeping his eyes on the girl's face. She grabbed him by the arm anxiously, “Loki?”

“I need to be alone.” And he eyed the bedroom, “You've got a new boyfriend right? He's, quite nice.” Words slipped out of Loki's mouth, and he felt a little awkward for it was the first time he had ever praised anyone.

“Are you going to be OK?”

“Yes.”

There was a sudden burst of thunder outside, and they turned in fright, only to see a strong light flying in the darkness, going straight up to the sky.

“My brother's hammer.” Loki muttered.

“I want to… thank you again.” He turned to Jane. The trace of tears had gone from his face. “If he comes I hope you won't tell him about tonight.”

Jane nodded. They said goodbye.

 

 

_Dear brother,_

Thor wrote.

He didn't know what to write next. Actually he wasn't supposed to know anything about writing letters. But with the new memories, he felt a touch of warmth as he stroked the letter paper. Reminding him of all the niceness he had with books.

_I've searched every corner of Asgard. But you must be far away._

_I'm so sorry._

_I'm so sorry, brother, I want to tell you that I never meant to hurt you or take advantage of you. I was just too shocked, still a little even now._

_I haven't done anything but think these days._

_We're not related. I know that now. But how can you not always be my brother in my heart? It hurts me so deeply, thinking about all the things I had made you do. Forced you, maybe. There's nothing I can do to make up._

_But I am so worried about you. Please let me know you're OK._

_I will never say anything that hurtful ever again. I won't even say a word if you don't want me to speak._

_I just want to listen to you._

_I just want to see you._

_Brother if you feel like talking to me, please let me know. I will leave this at your desk, and when you come back, you know I will be here all the time waiting for you._


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Late Road trip and conversations. Still confused, Thor wanted to talk it over. He never meant to get aroused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy ❤

A week after writing that letter and leaving it on Loki's desk, Thor noticed a slight change.

It wasn't much of a change really, but when Thor entered his brother's room this night he felt like someone had been there. He rushed to the table, and he could swear that the paper had been moved. It excited him so much and he looked around hurriedly, only to find no one was there.

“Loki,” He called, “Are you here brother?”

“Brother, please.”

“I can feel you.”

No reply. Thor leaned on the table, starting to mutter to himself in the empty room.

“I can't count the times I have come here. Hope you would be right in front of me and listen.”

“I miss you. Loki, I'm so lost.”

He sighed in the dim light, staring at his own shadow.

“It's all my fault. Please, just punish me. Just come home. Where are you brother? Can you stand the cold outside?”

“Where are you? What if it snows? I… I remember the temperature of your skin, the cold touch… Oh I, what am I mumbling? I didn't mean…”

He felt awkward, his face warmed as the ambiguous words slipped out. He did remember the touch, but he never mean to sound like that.

“Brother, please stop hiding…”

He slumped against the wall and closed his eyes with a sigh.

“Cold will not kill me.”

Thor jumped in that voice. That smooth, deep voice, rousing him violently, and he could only stare at the man in front of him in complete astonishment.

There Loki was, showing up without a sound, smiling faintly at him, green eyes shimmering. God, Loki was gorgeous in his pale glory, in a black fleece, zipping loosely under his collarbone.

Thor's breathing quickened just looking at him.

“Brother,” He sobbed, throwing himself on Loki, but instead of holding on to that slender body he only stumbled into Loki's shadow and fell to the ground.

He groaned, and the shadow laughed unreservedly. Amid his jeers Thor stood up, embarrassed and disoriented.

“Have you read my letter?” He asked hoarsely.

“I have.” Loki grinned. “How touching.”

“Loki…” Thor sighed helplessly, “Please, can you… stay here for a while? Even in this form. I'm so sorry for that day, just want…”

“Not here.” Loki cut him off. “You want to talk? I'll give you a chance to try it. Come.”

Thor's eyes lit up with surprise and joy. He blinked earnestly, “Where are we going? Will I see the real you?”

Loki curled his lips and turned away without looking back.

Thor hastened to follow.

 

 

They made their way through some secret paths to earth. It's midnight and the street was quiet, lights were few and far between. Thor had never explored any secret ways with his brother before. This amazed him. Loki must had been working on it alone for a long time.

His shadow was gone.

“Where are you brother?” Thor murmured.

Please stop hiding.

A black car not far away flashed its light.

Thor walked to the car, feeling out of place and stupid in his armour. But he couldn't change it now.

He pulled open the passenger door.

“Thor.”

Loki was in the driver's seat, hands on the steering wheel, smiling at him when he poked his head in. His smooth voice sent shivers down Thor's spine, a gasp almost slipped out.

He looked gorgeous.

Was this the real Loki? With his soft, touchable skin? Wait. What was he thinking. Stop it.

“Get in and close the door.” Said Loki, his head slightly tilted, his black hair skimming over his forehead.

Thor's mouth went dry.

He closed the door as Loki said, looking around awkwardly before shifting his eyes back to Loki's face. He couldn't help it. He had to make sure. Reaching out to touch Loki's arm, almost squealing as the real, powerful touch reached his fingertips. Loki slightly frowned, but didn't protest, just turning on the key to start the car. Thor felt a slight vibration on his back, the lights flashing again as they set off.

He did not dare to speak out at first, for fear of antagonizing Loki. He was hoping Loki would start the conversation but it didn't happen. He couldn't bear the deadly silence minutes later, and Loki just seemed so comfortable, eyeing the road with relaxation, Ignoring him completely.

He cleared his throat. “Loki, I um… I'm so glad that you gave me this chance.” Thor took a deep breath. “Nice car. Where did you get it? Where are we heading?”

“It's not mine.” Loki grinned, “I'm on a journey, no destination in mind yet.” And he still didn't look at Thor.

Didn't he say that? He would love driving.

Thor swallowed. “So I want to talk about the things happened during my amnesia. About us.”

“I'm listening.”

“I'm sorry that I…”

“Don't say that again. Don't apologize.” Loki turned to him, his voice calm. “I don't need them. I made my own choice.”

“That's what confuses me the most Loki - why did you make that choice and let me, let me… At that time we didn't know we weren't real brothers. No lies, Loki, what we talk about tonight, we talk from the heart.”

Their car passed through the trees on the side of the quiet road, whispering wind came in through the half-open windows. Loki glanced at Thor's golden hair.

“Alright. I did not care if we were brothers. I never did. Satisfied?” He took a right turn at the intersection, his hand clutching the steering wheel. Then he turned to Thor with a faint smile. “Your turn. I told you the truth, whether I cared or not, why did you insisting on kissing me?”

As the word kissing came out of Loki's mouth Thor's felt the heat on his face. He remembered. Every time. Pulling Loki close and touching his lips, kissing him hungrily. His eyes flickered to Loki, and he knew he remembered too.

Thor swallowed hard. “I don't know what I was thinking. I was so selfish, unreasonable, didn't believe what you said.”

“No brother.” Loki slowed down the car. “That's the problem. You are you, not him. I know you don't understand.”

“Believe it or not I really do understand, but I refuse to take it. Loki I know I've always been myself. I feel like being trapped in a dark cage for so long and I had been trying to break free, to return to my world, to you.” He breathed out heavily, “Turns out I was trapped by no one but myself, by my own mind. How ironic. When I woke up, so scared and shocked, honestly I only wanted to ask what I am trying to ask now, simply a question. Why did you let me hurt you? Yet you're still dodging.”

Loki pulled up to a hotel. “Simpleton.” And Thor looked at him with puzzle.

“Because I wasn't hurt.” Loki smiled sadly. “I was getting what I want.”

Loki's words warmed him all over. In an arousing way. His lips went dry so he licked them, and he met Loki's gaze.

Wait, wait this wasn't supposed to happen.

A surge of warmth rushed to his abdomen and his body became interested. He wasn't sure if Loki was aware of anything, so he looked into those green eyes, which deepened Loki's smile.

“The first time he kissed me, he took me by surprise. But afterwards… He made me fall in love with the touch of his lips.” Loki tilted his head almost sweetly, looking at Thor with luminous eyes. “Or should I say yours? Your lips are soft, especially when it touched my body.”

Thor gasped, “Stop.”

Loki smiled, “Why?”

Warmth rushed down on him. He didn't want to stare at Loki's lips but he couldn't look away. He swallowed again, helplessly, as he felt he was getting hard.

“What do you want Thor? Me to promise that things would go back to normal? Do you think that will soothe your restless heart?” Said Loki, opening the door with his gaze still lingering on Thor's eyes. “Oh, where's your hammer?” He looked down and glanced at Thor's crotch, “You hid it?”

Thor flushed as Loki walked out and closed the door behind. He wanted to just melt there.

 

 

When Loki firstly saw the letter Thor had left, he wasn't prepared and tears just ran down. Thor wasn't disgusted by him. Thor was worried about him.

Truth is Loki had gone back secretly to see Thor, thought he would see his brother trying to explain to everyone and distancing himself from Loki. But he didn't. Thor was alone, thinking deeply like he said in the letter.

After talking to Jane the wound on his heart was gradually healed a little bit. But Jane's words stuck in his mind. Only love could make him compromise.

He missed Thor.

Love doesn't grow out of nowhere. He must have had such feelings for you very early on, just as you had for him.

That's what Jane said. But what about that idiot?

Why didn't he stop it? Is there any questions more silly than that?

It's love, why can't the fool see? How clear does he need Loki to be?

But damn. Still missed him.

In short, Loki rushed to earth, stole a man's car, and drove it far enough to make sure that the man would never track it down. He didn't even know which city he was in. Then he got himself some nice looking clothes and had his hair done. Finally looking fresh, he sent a shadow of himself to Asgard.

But seriously, talking with Thor? Would that idiot even know what he wanted? In Loki's mind being honest was something no one in their family was good at.

Turned out he was right. Thor was still confused like a lost child. But more than that, Loki got a bit of a surprise. Each time he licked his lips or speaked slowly in a deep voice, or simply tucked a few black locks behind his ear, Thor quivered. He thought Loki wouldn't notice, but how was that possible.

He had so many friends who looked forward to him, but he followed a shadow to some unknown place.

Loki missed him so.

Oh and when Loki teased him with that slight smile… He could see Thor was trying so hard to control his body, but it didn't work at all. Loki smiled widely when he got off the car, slamming the door shut and turned away, so his huge grin wouldn't be seen.

 

 

How ridiculous. He had people waiting for him in the fairyland of Asgard, and here he was. Didn't even know the name of this place.

“We'd like a double room.” Said Loki calmly, smiling widely at the girl, who was stealing glimpses at the two handsome men and blushed. Thor saw her eyes, gave a friendly but brief smile before following Loki upstairs.

They went into the room in silence. As if nothing had happened Loki went straight to bed and lay down, looking sideways at Thor, his smile unfading. “Still want to talk?” He eyed the other bed, “If you're tired then go to your own bed.”

Thor walked over with a sigh and sat down on Loki's bed. He stared at Loki's face and breathed deeply. “I feel like an idiot.”

Loki almost laughed. Why didn't he find Thor adorable before? Or was that a side effect of memory loss?

“What made you realize that?” Said he.

“I was so scared. What I said was so harsh and hurtful…” He breathed, “I made you so sad. I'm in pain these days, brother,”

“You didn't hurt me that much.” Loki sighed. “And I appreciate it that you don't find me disgusting. I mean it.”

“Oh god.” Thor's eyes were wet. “I will never, never think that.” He gently took Loki's hand. The mere touch warmed his stomach.

“Good. Problem solved.” Said Loki slowly, without taking his hand back. “Goodnight, brother?”

He looked at Loki's calm eyes and grasped his hand anxiously. He was about to say something when Loki stretched sleepily and let out a low moan. Thor's throat tightened, his heart beating heavily within his ribs. “Loki, why do you have to… Can't you just…”

“What?”

“I remembered how patient, how… sweet you were to me. I finally came back to you but why did you stop being gentle and nice? You're not very talkative either…” He sighed, blue eyes full of nameless longings.

Loki blinked at this. He stared for a moment at Thor's somber face before sitting up, softly putting a finger on those lips, caressing him with lazy strokes. “I'll try to forget what shouldn't have happened in the past and you stop blaming yourself. One day it will all pass. Is that OK?”

As he spoke, he caressed Thor's lips, and Thor bit his lips as a rush of electricity all over his body, crisp and numb, rushing to his cock. He was so hard. Before Loki knew what was happening he was pulled into a tight embrace, driven into Thor's chest with his strong heartbeat thumping in his ear. Loki yelped and laughed, wrapping his arms around Thor's neck. “Oh brother.” Said he, with a smile in his voice, “Did you really hide Mjolnir in your pants?”

Thor flushed, squeezing Loki tighter, only making him laugh even harder. “I still remember the feeling of loving you that way, touching your skin… It will never pass and I don't want it to. I thought I did but now when I look at you I'm burning,” He pulled away a little to look at Loki's face, “God, please help me. Why did this happen? Why, brother… Will our relationship ever recover?”

“It's hard to take, right? I've been there, too.” Loki murmured, “I've thought about it long ago and I came to a conclusion. It won't recover, Thor, because love isn't something that can be simply erased.”

Was that obvious enough?

Oh, it was. Because Thor stroked his face with trembling fingers and pulled him closer, slowly, gingerly, pressing their lips together.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their talk continued, and Thor realized what he truly wanted. He went back to Asgard alone, leaving Loki puzzled.
> 
> A puzzled Loki, by the way, is rare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy! There's two more chapters, almost complete! Really appreciate your company.

When he touched Loki's soft, moist lips, Thor's cock twitching in anticipation, and he couldn't help holding Loki's face to lift his chin slightly, pushing his tongue in for a eager kiss. He sucked Loki's bottom lip, loud groan spilling out of his mouth.

Loki felt so good under his touch. Holding him felt so right and safe. He was moaning, his sweet, wicked tongue lapping around Thor's, wet and eager.

Loki broke the kiss for air, still lingering on Thor's lips. Hot breath sprayed on him, Thor's big, warm hand holding Loki's cheek, imploring hoarsely.

“Oh, brother… Touch me.”

He unlaced Loki's clothes, kissing down his neck, his collarbone and licked it, hovering over him, rubbing his erection against Loki's abdomen. Loki groaned, his lips curled. He took Thor's hand and guided it to his crotch, pressing their hardness.

“This is what we are now, _brother,_ ” Loki breathed out heavily, laughing, “Sure you won't regret it?”

“I won't, _brother,_ ” Thor panted, taking their erections in hand, the friction shooting sparks up his spine. “I just want to make you feel good.”

He kissed Loki, swallowed down his little moans as he stroked their cocks in fervent speed. Loki threw his head back as Thor dragged him forward by the hips and deepened the kiss with intermittent strokes of his tongue.

He loved the soft gasps and whines he got in return. Loki bucked his hips up, his eyelids quivering in pleasure as he thrust in Thor's hand.

Vaguely he heard Thor whispering in his ear, in his deep, erogenous voice, “I remember before, I was like a fool… A lot of things were left behind deliberately. Memory loss became an excuse to me, giving me a chance to… to ignore everything.” When Loki shivered under him, he left gentle kisses on Loki's earlobe, pulling it with his teeth. “I can't do that anymore.”

“Nnh… What are you mumbling about?”

“I need to think this through.” Thor licked him sweetly, “This… It all came to me like a storm. I started to think back to the time I spent playing with you many years ago. Mmmm… about the love I had for you, and it shocked me very, but it's amazing… In a few short hours I've suddenly come to terms with the emotions I've accumulated for years.”

“Ahh… more…” Loki held Thor's neck and caught his earlobe with his mouth, sucking it, pulling out a heavy moan from his brother. “You're just being sentimental.” He blew softly into his ear.

“I love you.” Thor whispered, “I love you. God. My little brother…”

“Agh fuck… Don't stop Thor… Ohhh…”

Loki bit down on Thor's lip hard enough that he could taste blood, drawing a stiffled moan as Thor's lips immediately part for his brother to let him ravish his mouth.

“Fuck, keep doing that,” Loki hissed, opening his eyes to watch as Thor fisted at the base of their hard cock, bobbing the head shallowly. Wet sound filled the room when Loki arched up into Thor's strokes, coming hard in his hand. Thor kissed him, wiped the hot semen on his palm and kept rubbing them.

It felt as if all his blood had drained there, his skin was so hot and sensitive. Loki kissed him eagerly, and he came with a choked groan, his come warm and dripping.

“Oh god… You're amazing.” Thor whined. And Loki laughed, almost overwhelmed.

How right it felt, surely destined.

“Loki what I'm trying to say is,” Thor murmured breathlessly, but he was cut off with kisses. Loki pressed him down, entwined their legs and sucked his lips hungrily, clashing their tongues together. “Mmm…”

“You were saying?”

“I was stupid when I lost my memory, trying to do so many things for you without realizing that I didn't have any practical ability then.” Thor sighed against Loki's chin, hugging him tightly. “But I have it now.” He rubbed their cheeks.

“Yes. You do.” Loki grinned lazily, “Now go to your own bed.”

Thor's eyes widened injuredly. “Brother please.”

“Back. It's crowded.” Loki insisted with a sly smile. “Goodnight, brother.”

Thor kissed those red lips again and got up reluctantly. The resilient bed immediately rose a little, and Loki closed his eyes.

 

 

Loki slept well all night and woke up when the sun shone in their room. The moment he opened his eyes he felt a warm body close behind his back and strong arms wrapped around his waist.

Thor had sneaked into his bed undetected? That was new. Right now he was still asleep, breathing evenly behind Loki's ear. Loki moved, put an arm back around Thor's neck and slapped him.

“What the hell Thor?” He drawled out his tone.

Thor woke up with a stir and tightened his arms unconsciously. “Loki,” He mumbled, “Oh god, you're here.”

“Which part of go to you own bed did you not understand?” Loki scolded, but he couldn't suppress the moan when Thor nibbled his neck, leaving wet, lazy kisses.

“Afraid of you leave without a word again.” Thor's whole body relaxed, his morning erection pressed against Loki's hip, throbbing with interest.

“Why would I do that? This is my journey.” Loki bit back a groan before it spilled.

“Where are you going next?” Thor hummed.

“You're being silly Thor.” Loki snorted, “If you want to keep following me, you can. But if you think you can force me to Asgard then you're wrong. I don't want to go back, and I won't.”

“What makes you think I'm going to force you?” Said Thor. He touched Loki's body eagerly, reaching to Loki's cock and stroked him, rubbing up and down, pulling sweet sounds out of his little brother. His smile deepened.

“Your words last night. You feel like you're full of power again now? Getting back your responsibility as the god of thunder?” Loki kept his voice steady and suppressed the moan. And he pushed back his hips to feel Thor's hard cock, satisfied when he heard a low groan.

“Yes, that, too… But you misunderstood me brother.” Thor cupped Loki's face with his large hand and turned him sideways into a passionate kiss, “Can you tell me why you don't want to go home?”

Loki hissed, “Firstly it's not my home. Secondly as you can see clearly no one there impresses me. And now their golden prince is back, they will become more stupid and annoying than ever.”

Thor bit back a laugh, which made Loki groan. “What's so funny?”

“You're cute.” Thor said sincerely, his big blue eyes looked at Loki brightly, “Cute and sexy, angel.”

That word made him tremble, that deep, sweet word, sending shivers down his spine. “You mustn't call me that.” He said roughly.

“Brother, please,” Thor begged with a smile, holding him tighter and stroking his cock fast and hard. “I thought you were beautiful when we were kids. Liked to play with you and hold you, oh… although you did not usually let me. I just didn't figure it out. Just never thought about it this way. But Loki, this feeling is really wonderful, now in retrospect everything was so natural.”

“Ughhh… Fuck…” Loki whined desperately, thrusting in Thor's hand, stretching his neck to let his brother kiss him.

“My sweet angel.” Thor whispered in his ear. “Mine.”

Loki whimpered and came all over his stomach. Thor turned him eagerly and showered him with kisses, taking hid hand to his own hard member and stroked with enthusiasm. Loki writhed in Thor's arms, his slick fingers rubbing against the head.

“Oh… brother!” Thor cried.

Loki bit down on Thor's lips hard, licking those little lines on it with his skillful tongue. They kissed until Thor was breathing raggedly and scrambling, grasping Loki's hair desperately and spilled with a choked cry.

Loki pressed up on him, rubbing their noses as Thor still breathed heavily, holding Loki's waist with his large warm hands.

Thor let out a content mewl, his eyes falling closed at the softly-murmured endearment.

He touched and kissed Loki, but his brother just pressed him down with a hand on his chest.

“Still want to fix it?” Loki whispered. His breath was hot against Thor's red swollen lips, “cause you can't, brother. Either you go home alone, or you stay here with regret that you can never fix our relationship.”

“Loki…” Thor reached out to touch Loki's face, and he saw a glint of sadness in those green eyes. It made Thor's heart clench.

“I don't know what the purpose of our little talk is Thor, and I don't want to hear it. You have a lot of new feelings, I see that. But listen brother, if you think that your golden life is coming back, that I will stand by you, in the shadow of your glow, loving you like a fool as if that's what I should do, you're very wrong then.”

Loki took in a deep breath, his chest heaving. He looked into Thor's eyes and waited. What would Thor say? Would he begged him to stay together? Would he ignore Asgard, the throne and the Allfather?

His eyelashes flickered. Thor cupped his face and kissed him, wrapped his arms tight around Loki's back. “I know. I know that Loki.” He choked out, caressing Loki's chin as if comforting.

That's it? Did he not even give a definite answer?

“I think I need to go home.” Thor whispered. “I need to talk to father first.”

Loki went stiff all over.

 

 

After Heimdall opened the Bifrost and took Thor away, Loki returned to Jane's house. He couldn't believe it. He just couldn't.

Did Thor really just leave like that? Without a plea or even a word?

But if he he came with no intention of being with Loki, just got carried away by their love making… Absolutely impossible. There was no penetrate, and Thor didn't asked him to turn into Jotun form. Which was good. Of course.

He just couldn't believe he was being used.

“No,” Said Jane, “I don't believe it either. But that's just, oh my god.”

“What's wrong with him?” Siad Jane again.

Loki sighed loudly, caressing the soft sofa with his fingertips. His eyes were dropping, and his anger, his stern expression of displeasure all vanished, crouched there with downcast eyes like some sort of wounded little animal.

I thought he would go where I go. He said the word love, didn't he?

Loki hated it when he couldn't see through others. It didn't happen often, and it never happened with Thor.

“Oh, Loki.” Jane pulled him into a tight embrace. He was kind of unresponsive for a moment, and he blinked, hugged her too.

“He's not usually like that, you know.” Loki mumbled.

Jane frowned slightly. She couldn't figure this out either. But the next time she sees Thor, she's going to slap him. That's what she thinks.

“Would you like to stay here for a few days?”

Loki blinked, “You have a boyfriend.”

“I have a spare room.”

“Thanks but I like being alone.” Said Loki, with a faint smile. “Okay. I see you're sticking with the invitation. If I come here in the morning, is that all right?”

Jane laughed. “Sure.”

 

 

Thor gave a brief nod to Heimdall, greeting him.

“Thor, there's something you should know,” Siad the gatekeeper, “Your father arranged for you to marry lady Sif.”

Thor froze. “What?”

“To celebrate your return, alongside your coronation. Wait, where are you going?”

Thor was gone already.

He saw lots of people gathered outside the palace corridor, talking and laughing. There was Sif, smiling with her friends as they sprinkled flowers in her long brown hair and held her hands. Then they saw Thor, who was looking this way with a serious face.

Sif came forward, her cheeks pink and lovely. “We didn't expect you back so early.” Siad she, smiling happily, “Welcome back Thor. We missed you.”

“I miss you all.” Said Thor, eyeing the gathering people, “I have to talk to my father now Sif.”

She blinked in bewilderment.

“Sif what are you doing here?” Thor asked, already knew the answer.

“Didn't your father tell you? About our wedding - or why did you come back?” She asked, frowning a little.

“For something very similar.”

He hurried to Odin, who was having a pleasant talk with Frigga.

“Father, mother,” Thor went in and hugged Frigga as she rushed to him. Odin's expression was hard to distinguish as always.

“Oh Thor.” His mother smiled excitedly, squeezing his hands and looked up, but then she frowned. “Where's Loki?”

“He's on earth now.” Thor told his mother, assuring her Loki's safety. And then he shifted his eyes to Odin, “Father, I'm here for my wedding.”

Odin nodded with satisfaction. “Good. You must have seen them. People outside. And Sif, did you see her?”

And Frigga was smiling. She was happy for her son.

“I'm not going to marry lady Sif.” Thor said firmly, looking at his father. “Did you forget, or did you deliberately lie to everyone? If I remember correctly you promised that Loki and I would get married as long as I got my memories back and stuck to my idea. What's more, you will arrange the wedding for us in person.”

Frigga's eyes winded in astonishment. She looked at Odin in disbelief, and her voice was filled with anxiety, “When did it happen? Why didn't you tell me?”

“That was,” Odin gasped at Thor angrily, “I said that to get Loki to cure him, or Loki wouldn't help at all! You know? As a result he was cured in one day. I had to say that, because they were mad!”

“What do you know about curing memory loss? What were you doing? Used up all of us with lies and then be like nothing's ever happened?” Thor growled angrily. “You didn't even tell mother. You made me so sad father, now everyone thinks I'm in love with Sif while I'm not. What should I do? I don't have a choice.”

“What are you going to do?” Odin asked.

“I can only tell people that I'm unfortunate, because my father is a selfish man who broke his word and did not respect my choice.” Said Thor, looking at Frigga's frightened face. “I can't marry Sif. I love Loki. You both know who he was, yet we found out by ourselves, not by hearing it from you. That hurt him, did you know?”

He paused. When Odin managed no words, he took a deep breath and continued. “Loki is of noble birth and deserves to be treated well. If you can't do that, I can. He's part of my life now. I won't leave him.”

Frigga covered her mouth, could not say a word. Odin's cough was hoarse. “You had been in doldrums all the time Thor. What did he do that bewitched you and made you like this in just a few hours? You were sad and angry yesterday! And now you love him? How could anyone figure it all out in such a short time?”

“You had done a good job of making us believe that we were brothers. I never thought of my love for Loki this way but now when I'm around him everything is so right.” Said Thor, “What he did for me when I lost my memory, all of which I can't fully explain to you. I want to marry Loki, and I've never been more serious.”

“If you insist on involving lady Sif, I can only feel sorry for her.” He ended his words calmly.

“You surprise me. I can't believe you did this.” Said Frigga, glaring at his husband.

And when Thor looked at Odin again, he looked truly funny with those thin lips pressed tight. Loki would laugh, he thought.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A wedding. Lots of feelings and love.
> 
> Jane paid a visit to Asgard to attend their wedding! <3

Thor was in a straight black suit today, carried a little jewel box with a glittering ring in it.

It was the first time Heimdall had answered readily when the god came to ask about Loki.

“I'll send you to him and his friend.” Said the gatekeeper with delight.

“His friend? Who?”

Heimdall chuckled and opened the Bifrost before Thor could react, sending the god to earth in a flash. Opening his eyes widely Thor found himself in front of a familiar house, and it took his breath away.

It was Jane's house. Damn. Did something happen to her?

He knocked nearly hastily. The door opened on the second sound, and when their eyes met they both froze, looking at each other in shock. She blinked quickly, her eyes suddenly changing from surprise to anger.

Oh and then she slapped Thor, so hard that making his head turn and he gasped, staring in astonishment.

“You're back, finally. That's for Loki.” Jane glared at him, which made Thor so confused that he managed no words in a few seconds.

“Oh… Jane, I'm sorry for everything.” He breathed, couldn't organize what he was saying. Words just spilled out, “I apologize, for all the injustice I have done to you. I… but I should be sent to Loki, I don't know why Heimdall sent me here in front of your - ” He cut himself off sharply, blinking at the girl in disbelief. “Wait what did you say? Why did you say for Loki? Are you his - _friend_ Heimdall meant?”

“Yes I am. His friend.” Jane was still glaring at him. “You left him! After you broke his heart. How dare you Thor.” She said angrily, “Go. He doesn't want to see you.”

His eyes widened as Jane was about to close the door, hastily grasping her arm to stop her, “Wait! I can explain to him, let me in please!”

Jane paused before she re-opened the door, and Thor gave her a grateful look, hurrying into the room. Jane was frowning at him. Oh god. All those things he did to Jane. Taking up her room with Loki, leaving so soon, being cold to her and perhaps hurting her feelings… He felt like he had to explain to Jane first, or this weird wave of guilt would crush him.

“Listen Jane, I'm so sorry. We haven't had a chance to talk properly because, things just kept getting complicated for me and Loki.” He said carefully, not wanting to displease her again. “You're a close friend of mine. All I can say now is… I'm truly grateful and happy you being Loki's friend. I don't know how. I never thought…”

Jane sighed, shaking her head gently, her arms folded across her chest. “I get it, Thor I get it.” She eyed the door of the study behind Thor, “You go to him first. And then we talk, ok?”

He nodded gratefully to her.

Behind him Jane seemed to go to the kitchen, and he took a deep breath, hoping he still looked good, or better, handsome.

“Loki.” Thor knocked gently. He did not sound nervous. He did not.

Loki pulled open the door and looked in exasperation as he showed up, now in a long hazel cloak glaring at Thor. Was it Jane's? Maybe not because it looked so perfect on Loki. Thor swallowed. Loki's raven hair looked untidy, but it was sexy and spread over his shoulder. In his eyes Thor was sure he saw delight. Loki was pleased that he came. No matter how disgruntled he looked.

Thor's eyes lit up, his heart pounding in his ears. Smiling warmly he dropped to one knee and looked up at Loki, holding the little box and opened it, the beautiful gleaming ring lying quietly inside. Thor smiled, blue eyes full of enthusiasm. His little brother, whose eyes were wide with shock, froze in surprise and even fright, his mouth slightly open.

“Loki,” Said Thor, looking earnestly at the trickster, “Will you marry me?”

Loki blinked quickly and murmured, “You - You're playing me, this must…”

“I'm not playing you, babe,” He took Loki's hand gently to his lips and kissed his fingers, his lips lingered on them. Moist soft lips wrapped around Loki's skin and Thor looked up with a gentle smile.

“Oh…” Loki's voice faltered.

And Thor took out a ring and kissed Loki's hand again, locking their eyes together. “I love you.” He whispered, “I love you. Will you marry me, my beloved angel?”

A sudden rumble of thunder in the clear sky. Loki's heart skipped a beat in Thor's bright blue eyes where love surging in, fixing on him beautifully and expectantly.

“I will, Thor, I will.” He said, shaking, tears glistening in his eyes, and he couldn't hold them back anymore when Thor put the ring on his finger.

He was trembling, and Thor's big, warm, powerful hands wrapped tightly around his. Thor stood up, pulling Loki in his arms, cupping his face and kissed him passionately. Only then did he feel the thump in Thor's chest, pressing hard on him, every beat sounding clearly.

“I love you, I love you, I love you…” Thor mumbled incoherently, pushing Loki against the wall and pressed on him, kissing him so hard and eagerly. “God, babe,” He sighed when Loki let out a moan, longingly, pulling him even closer with his arms. They kissed and sucked at each other's lips in the hallway until Loki was breathing raggedly, whining in Thor's arms, and Thor just deepened the kiss with intermittent strokes of his tongue.

“I love you too.” Loki murmured, almost melted in the warmth. Thor buried his face in the crook of Loki's neck, inhaling deeply. “I've got father to keep his promise, to marry us.” He rubbed his nose in Loki's neck, kissing his soft skin with passion. “So happy. Love you so much.”

Oh… He left because he negotiated with Odin, for marrying him.

Loki groaned out when Thor licked his neck sweetly, eagerly pulling him up into a heated kiss.

A cough. They were still holding on to each other, looking in surprise at the door, and Jane stood there smiling, looking helplessly at them. But then she saw the shining silver on Loki's ring finger and Thor's handsome suit, she covered her mouth with a hand before the gasp spilled out.

“Oh my god. Did you just propose to him? Oh god, congratulations! This is… I'm so happy!” She screamed in surprise, threw herself on both of them, raised her head with a big smile.

“I'm so happy for you, for both of you - ”

“Janeeee.” Said Loki, his cheeks still flushed. He laughed and wiped the tears away, smiling widely at her. “Thank you.” He whispered.

“Thank you, Jane. I'm so grateful.” Thor squeezed Loki's arms before letting go of him, and he hugged Jane properly, patting her back gently as she did the same thing. “You're awesome.”

“You're forgiven for now.” Jane drew out her tone, smiling too. “But if you dare to do that again, if you don't cherish him, you will regret it.” She whispered, but she knew Loki would hear it anyway. She just had to say it now.

Thor breathed. “I know.”

He did know.

Loki looked at them. It was so much like looking at his brother and those friends of his on earth in the beginning. Much as he hated to admit it, he felt more contented and satisfied than ever. Then his gaze fell on the ring on his finger, and it almost made him tremble. Thor loves him. And now Thor's friend is his friend too. It's just so amazing. He had never thought it would happen to him for real.

He's going to marry Thor… Solemnly, beautifully, like magic.

“I want to be your best man." Suddenly Jane said, smiled excitedly and took Loki's elbow as he huffed.

Loki's eyes widened and Thor blinked, clearly surprised.

“I want her to be.” Announced Loki, “It's a brilliant idea.”

Thor agreed happily, for he did not want someone else in such an important role either.

“They may be very surprised to see you.” Said Thor, “But that's not a problem. I have talked to my father, and with my mother there they will all respect me. Surely they will welcome you.”

Jane nodded with a smile, hugging Thor again.

“Welcome back. I'm so happy that you got your memory back and met love. I missed you, Thor. I'm so happy.” She whispered sincerely.

“I missed you too.” He whispered back.

She left them in the room and the moment she went out Loki covered his face, groaning in a little chagrin. “I feel so stupid now. You went back talking to Odin while I was here sulking for nothing.”

Thor laughed, pulled him close and nuzzled him. “You told Jane about me, didn't you?”

“I did.” Loki made a face. His heart still pounded, a few deep breaths wouldn't work for now. “I suppose she was mad at you at first.”

“Yes…” Thor groaned. “But it's amazing she became your friend. What's that story?”

“That's just for us.” Loki gave a mischievous smile.

 

 

The wedding was grand. Glorious than any Loki had attended before. He had been told that Thor's coronation would also take place this day, which would logically make him the Queen of Asgard. Loki pursed his lips when he thought of this. To stop himself from blushing or smiling.

The sea of flowers spread to the center of Asgard's most glorious palace. The gallery was decorated in gold on both side. When Loki's gaze met Odin, the Allfather smiled proudly at him. Loki went over. As he walked his long black tuxedo flapped, and he could feel the eyes of a large crowd fixed on him, holding their wine glasses and whispering admiration.

“Loki you look gorgeous. Blue suits you well.” Said Odin, looking at Loki's blue skin and red eyes, his smile never faded, “Everything here is designed and arranged by me, including the wine and flowers. Do you like them?”

“I do. Very.” Smiled Loki, “You should specialize in this.”

“Loki!”

Frigga went over and hugged Loki, her head on pressing on his chest warmly. Loki hugged her back, smiling to her. “Mother.”

“Oh, I'm crying, I'm sorry… I'm just so happy for you Loki.” She squeezed him tight, her eyes sparkling with joy.

“I'd like you to meet my friend Jane.” Seeing Jane coming, Loki waved to her to meet his parents. She was dressed in a fancy gown and had flowers in her hair too.

“I have to say this again - I know I've said it probably hundreds of times but you are so beautiful, Loki, why didn't you show me before!”

Obediently, he let Jane touch his face and look into his red eyes. It's hard to look at her without smiling now.

He really began to like mortals. They had a good taste.

 

 

Jane smiled encouragingly when everyone was standing and waiting for them with wide smile and sparkling eyes. Then Loki settled his eyes on Thor and everything went into slow motion. Thor's face became the only thing he was aware of as Jane urged them forward.

Loki tightened his hold on Jane and squeezed her arm, and she exhaled happily, taking him to Thor, where she stepped away to the side. Their eyes met and locked before Heimdall, the moderator started to speak.

He beamed at both of them. “Thor, repeat after me." He advised and Thor listened, repeating the formalities before Heimdall turned to Loki to do the same.

Loki smiled, feeling his body warm. He just realized he was smiling too much today.

“The rings.” Heimdall said. Loki turned to see Jane at his side and he smiled.

"With this ring, I thee wed…" Heimdall said and Thor followed him again. He looked into Loki's eyes as he did so and slid the ring onto his finger. Loki was doing a not bad job at acting as though he was calm and collected, but Thor could tell he was bursting with emotion. Those red spheres were luminous.

Loki repeated as he put on the ring, bent down to kiss it. People were smiling, softly breathing their blessing.

“If you have any vows of your own, you can share them here." Heimdall said, and their eyes met. Then Thor smiled almost mischievously, “No. That's just for us.”

"Ok. Then… I pronounce you life partners, for as long as you both shall be." Heimdall finished and everyone clapped heartily. Thor chuckled and grabbed Loki, giving him a fierce kiss on the lips. Loki gently grasped Thor's arms, blushing at the attention from everyone. Cheerful music started whooping and they laughed with their people, holding hands.

Odin stepped forward and attracted everyone's attention. His face was radiant, for the joy that his boys' happiness was his own. No one could deny that.

“Thor,” He announced, and Thor had already got down on one knee, watching his father with excitement.

“I declare you king of Asgard, protector of the nine realms.” He exclaimed, “I have something to say to you. What I can't deny is that you have made great progress in the past months. My son, you must remember being reckless, and arrogant, but now you've changed so much. I'm happy that you and Loki have found each other.”

“A true king is not only virile and brave, but also wise. Loki stands by you and everything will be fine.”

“I've been thinking for days and I finally understand that there are things more powerful than us. And that's love. I give you all my blessings, the new king and queen.”

Thor looked up with gratitude and happiness. He thanked his father and accepted the crown, taking Loki's hand.

Music was played as they walked back down the aisle. They talked to people along the way, showing them their rings. Everyone mingled and chatted happily. It was just perfect.

Thor pulled Loki close to breathe into his ear, making him shiver.

"As much as I enjoy the party, I haven't been able to kiss you for so long.” Thor whispered so only he could hear and Loki's body vibrated.

“You just did minutes ago.”

“Lokiiii.” Thor purred, pleading, blinking his big innocent eyes. “I want to kiss you properly, right now…”

He nudged Loki, and Loki looked at his face, his loins began to burn.

“I suppose they won't miss us for a few hours.” Loki murmured, his voice hoarse with desire. Thor grinned, pulling him up. They heard Heimdall and Jane giggle at their departure as they moved to the corridor towards their chamber. Thor lifted him just at the doorway and swept them both inside, kissing him hard and moving towards the bed.

Thor set him down and leaned over to undress them both. They kissed slowly, affectionately, exploring each other's mouths and tongues and they sighed. Downstairs the party was beginning and people were laughing. Thor slid his hands down to Loki's buttocks, squeezing them. They rolled around slowly, kissing and touching, whimpering into each other's mouths, both so hard and ready but they were enjoying this.

Thor pulled at Loki's earlobe with his teeth, whispering soft sweet words that made Loki blush. He shifted to tongue Loki's clavicle, kissing wetly down his sternum and sucked in one perky nipple, doing everything possible to bathe Loki in his desire.

“You're mine now, angel.” Thor purred, “My husband.”

Loki whined in pleasure, wanting and ready. “I love you, Thor, you look so good today… You melted my heart.” He mewled when Thor wrapped his fingers around his erection and pumped him, enjoying how it made Loki squirm. Loki was wet and leaking, his female parts inviting, and Thor began to lick him sweetly, thrusting his tongue in to make Loki cry out.

“Oh fuck… Nnnh so good so good…” Loki's voice cracked, stroking Thor's hair to urge him eagerly.

Thor's hand played with his cock, pre-come leaking as he rubbed it along his entire shaft, working his fingers to the base and turning to lick his clitoris. Loki pulled him up to kiss him desperately, his tongue found Thor's, wanting to return the passion so badly.

Loki was panting hard, pushed Thor onto his back and straddled him, he wanted to feel Thor moved inside of him. He was so open and aching, raising his hips to lower himself down onto Thor's cock. They stared into each other's eyes, panting and gasping for the burning pleasure.

“I love you angel… Always have and always will - ” Thor moaned when Loki flexed his hips, riding him fast and rubbing his hard cock between their stomachs.

“I love you too, my king. Take me till I can't walk back to our guests.” Loki whispered, sending all of the blood down to Thor's cock. It was hard and huge and filled him so well. Thor thrust in with enthusiasm as he sat up to kiss Loki's neck, biting down hard enough to leave a mark. Loki was shaking, wanting to be filled badly.

The room was filled with their grunting and the sound of their bodies meeting in ecstasy. They were groaning and hoarse, kissing passionately, chasing each other's tongues.

“My angel,” Thor moaned in pleasure with a sigh, desperate and sweaty, “My little brother, love me no matter what I remember…”

“Uhh… yes yes please, don't go…” Loki whined as he went completely lost, feeling his orgasm built up. He cupped Thor's face and kissed him, going into his mind, sending love as he was encircled by Thor's passion. “Don't go Thor, fuck… Aghhh…”

“This is magic Lokiiii… You have no idea how good you feel…” He panted.

Loki threw his head back and came hard with a cry, spilling all over his hand. His wall tightened and squeezed Thor as he howled and slammed into Loki so hard.

“Babe… Nnh…” Thor gasped and spilled deep inside Loki, filling him up with waves of hot seed.

“Mmmm…”

He rolled over and pressed Loki under him, kissing him with all the passion and love. Loki was tired and breathless, laughing a little mad as he kissed him back sweetly.

Thor sprawled on Loki like a big cat, murmuring, “You're mine, my sweet angel, mine.”

“Yours.” Loki rubbed their noses and mumbled, “And you're mine.”

Thor rubbed his face against Loki's and promised him. “I'm yours forever. We have a lifetime.” And Loki smiled.

“It feels like home.” Thor whispered against his lips. “With you in my arms.”

Loki caressed his golden hair, now messy and dishevelled, he purred and closed his eyes for a moment. It did feel like home. There was no need to seek warmth, to fancy or crave it anymore. Because Thor was right there by his side, exactly where he belonged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've completed it finally! A big thank you for your company. Hope it was worth your wait and time. I appreciate all the lovely comments and kudos, I love you guys!
> 
> Thank you again so much for reading.


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